29 October, 2008
19 August, 2008
Life Emulating Art
Back in the mid-1970’s when I was in my late 20’s, I took several creative writing classes while attending university.
Back then, Dr. Ingersoll stressed again and again, the importance of creating tension either between characters or between the circumstances and the characters. I went along with the program—I wanted the grade, after all—but I wasn’t a true believer. After all, weren’t there plenty of times when tension wasn’t present in peoples’ lives?
Well, ok, I was aware that MY life had, by and large, been pretty angst-filled—but, surely, that wasn’t the norm, was it? Well? WAS IT?
During the months I've endured over the past few days, I’ve been thinking more and more about Dr. Ingersoll. Maybe he knew his onions, after all.
xxx
First, I was thanking my lucky stars.
I had ordered hurricane shutters back in May, or so. The company kind of dragged its feet until I phoned em and started LEANING on them to get with the program here! Hurricane season was well underway [in late June] and I WANTED MY SHUTTERS, GOLDANG IT!
OK, they got here with the shutters—and the windows had been measured wrong by the sales agent. So, the installers hauled about half of em back to the factory and recut/redrilled new ones. They came back and got em installed quickly, once they actually, you know, FIT the windows they’d been custom-cut for.
Hurdle # 1 cleared.
xxx
When I’d ordered em, most of them were set to be cut and hung vertically. There were 2 exceptions because I wanted fire-access. So, 2 windows-worth were hung horizontally so the bottom halves of those windows could be left open for easy [well, EASIER, anyway] exit in case of fire.
Most of the shutters are left up permanently—so, Sunday afternoon saw me out hanging those bottom halves. A simple enough job, you’d think. Drag out the ladder, hang the shutters on the bolts installed around the windows, tighten the thumb-screws, dust off your hands and you’re done, right?
Wrong.
It turns out, the installers hadn’t drilled the holes on one of the panels. They had, oh so thoughtfully, marked which window it was supposed to fit. They’d even marked where the holes were SUPPOSED to be. Of course, I hadn’t noticed the absence of the actual holes till it’s twin was already installed. So, just to be certain, I took down the panel I had hung, fit it to it’s twin and yes, the holes and the dots lined up. So, I went in search of my drill bits—and didn’t find one big enough to fit the bolt that had to go through the holes I would be drilling.
While drilling, repositioning the drill and drilling another hole, then repositioning AGAIN and drilling a hole between the 2 and kind of sawing the drill-bit in a circular motion, I thought about Dr. Ingersoll again.
Finally, the holes were large enough and with much grunting and tugging and slapping the panel into position, it was where it was supposed to be. NOW, I could thread the nuts onto the bolts and put away the ladder.
Oh, and of course, all this was happening when the weather here on the coast where humidity is generally low and there is ALWAYS a breeze which makes the weather SO much more pleasant than it was back in Missouri in August was feeling downright midwestern. Yesterday saw temps and humidity both hovering in the century range. And those shore breezes were but a pleasant memory as the storm closed in. I guess Fay was hogging all winds for herself and leaving nothing for the rest of us.
Still, Hurdle # 2 cleared.
xxx
Then, this morning, I pulled out my hurricane kit and took stock of my supplies. First aid kit: check. No-cook food: check. Flashlights: check. Batteries: check. Radio that doesn’t need AC current: ruh-roh.
I THOUGHT I had a useful radio—I really did. But, when I unpacked it I quickly discovered that, in order to listen to it I have to crank it continuously. And the crank is noisy.
Just try to listen to the radio and actually get some useful information in that situation. I noticed that my bedside clock radio had a battery compartment. So, it was off to Target this afternoon. I picked up several 9 volt batteries, brought em home and installed one. I unplugged the radio and tried to listen to it. Nope. It turns out, the only thing the battery is good for is keeping track of the time so that, AFTER POWER IS RESTORED, it knows what time it is and you don’t have to reset the clock. But as for either listening to the radio or being able to tell the time while the power is out, forget it.
I phoned a friend across the street. SHE has been here for years and years and has several battery-powered radios and a battery powered tv. So, she lent me one of her radios. Once more, saved by the skin of my teeth. And, again, I thought about Dr. Ingersol.
xxx
Then, finally [so far], I heard that sometime tonight, the rains are due to begin. So, I went out to close the accordion shutters over my glass doors. And discovered that they had been installed BACKWARD.
One half of my glass door opens and the other half is immobile. And the two sections of the accordion don’t meet in the middle. They meet in the middle of one side where, theoretically, the homeowner can shut them and easily reach the locking mechanism. Only, the installers installed em so that the closure is positioned over the IMMOVABLE side of the door.
I can look through the glass at it and it's the prettiest little lock you ever did see. It looks very efficient and I'm sure it would do a bang-up job of securing the two sections of doors. Only, I can’t actually, you know, REACH the lock over there beyond the pane of glass that can’t be moved.
After struggling with it in vain and finally just giving up, I came in and placed a very nasty phone call to the company that sold me these perfectly good shutters [except for the fact that I had to drill the holes in one of em myself and now, I couldn’t lock the section that is positioned over my MOST VULNERABLE window of all—the one that is 7 feet tall by 8 feet wide. Gee, thanks, Shutter Co.]
Of course, it’s now after 10 PM—so the most I could do was leave the company a nasty message which won’t be received till after the storm has passed.
[After all, the company's employees live in Florida, too. They're going to be securing their homes or hunkered down listening to THEIR radios tomorrow--not in the office listening to messages from irate customers.]
So, after I vented my spleen at the Shutter Company’s answering machine I stopped and thought the problem through. And, I had an idea.
That's a dangerous practice, I know. But, I'm used to working without a net.
I went hunting for that ladder I’d used yesterday to hang the shutter panels. And I couldn't find it. I opened the shed, couldn’t see my hand in front of my face, came inside and couldn’t find the flashlight I wanted. I located another one, went back outside, shined the flashlight around inside the shed and—the ladder wasn’t there.
I came back inside and hunted around and found the ladder and, sure enough, [**whew!** FINALLY SOMETHING WENT RIGHT!] the bungee cords WERE where I thought they were! They were wrapped around two tubes of the ladder. So, I went outside and rigged two bungee cords across the accordion doors to, hopefully, hold them closed.
BUT, the fact remains, they ARE outside and Fay IS coming. How long will it take her to TWANGGGGG those cords and send them flying, throw open the accordion doors and slam part of my neighbors' roof against my door and take it out? Probably a lot less time than it would take me to sue that company for installing the doors backward.
I think I’d better go think up a better way to seal that door. And here it is, coming up on 2:00 AM. Fay has made landfall and is headed my way. I think I’d better get busy.
xxx
Meanwhile, I just heard that Fay is starting to get more ‘organized’—which means this Tropical Storm could, yet, turn into a hurricane.
It’s starting to spawn tornadoes [and Florida doesn’t know the meaning of the word, ‘basement.’ An oversight I’m sure it has regretted in the past—and will again.]
Now the latest forecast is suggesting it’s starting to zig-zag. So, it could head back west again—toward Clearwater.
OK, Dr. Ingersoll, you were right. I was wrong. Are you happy, now?
***
Postscript:
I DID rethink and reroute those bungee cords INSIDE the accordion doors. I'm far from certain they will hold the doors shut when Fay hits, of course, but I think they may stand a better chance.
And, I am not, by nature, a litigious person. But, if those doors spring open and my glass doors get shattered and all the stuff stored in my Florida room gets flooded and or ruined or blown out and damages my neighbors' homes or whatever---or the inner door gets shattered and and my house is destroyed because the installers didn't pay attention to what they were doing---they're gonna learn the definition of 'lawsuit' in a hurry. . . .
Meanwhile, I certainly hope the world doesn't continue to remind me of an adventure novel. I've had enough excitement for one month--over the last 2 days.
***
Postscript # 2:
After all that, Fay veered east and didn't come back. The next day I had to go outside to discover the fact that it had rained a little.
Yep, Dr. Ingersoll is totally and completely vindicated. Blast his eyes.
Back then, Dr. Ingersoll stressed again and again, the importance of creating tension either between characters or between the circumstances and the characters. I went along with the program—I wanted the grade, after all—but I wasn’t a true believer. After all, weren’t there plenty of times when tension wasn’t present in peoples’ lives?
Well, ok, I was aware that MY life had, by and large, been pretty angst-filled—but, surely, that wasn’t the norm, was it? Well? WAS IT?
During the months I've endured over the past few days, I’ve been thinking more and more about Dr. Ingersoll. Maybe he knew his onions, after all.
xxx
First, I was thanking my lucky stars.
I had ordered hurricane shutters back in May, or so. The company kind of dragged its feet until I phoned em and started LEANING on them to get with the program here! Hurricane season was well underway [in late June] and I WANTED MY SHUTTERS, GOLDANG IT!
OK, they got here with the shutters—and the windows had been measured wrong by the sales agent. So, the installers hauled about half of em back to the factory and recut/redrilled new ones. They came back and got em installed quickly, once they actually, you know, FIT the windows they’d been custom-cut for.
Hurdle # 1 cleared.
xxx
When I’d ordered em, most of them were set to be cut and hung vertically. There were 2 exceptions because I wanted fire-access. So, 2 windows-worth were hung horizontally so the bottom halves of those windows could be left open for easy [well, EASIER, anyway] exit in case of fire.
Most of the shutters are left up permanently—so, Sunday afternoon saw me out hanging those bottom halves. A simple enough job, you’d think. Drag out the ladder, hang the shutters on the bolts installed around the windows, tighten the thumb-screws, dust off your hands and you’re done, right?
Wrong.
It turns out, the installers hadn’t drilled the holes on one of the panels. They had, oh so thoughtfully, marked which window it was supposed to fit. They’d even marked where the holes were SUPPOSED to be. Of course, I hadn’t noticed the absence of the actual holes till it’s twin was already installed. So, just to be certain, I took down the panel I had hung, fit it to it’s twin and yes, the holes and the dots lined up. So, I went in search of my drill bits—and didn’t find one big enough to fit the bolt that had to go through the holes I would be drilling.
While drilling, repositioning the drill and drilling another hole, then repositioning AGAIN and drilling a hole between the 2 and kind of sawing the drill-bit in a circular motion, I thought about Dr. Ingersoll again.
Finally, the holes were large enough and with much grunting and tugging and slapping the panel into position, it was where it was supposed to be. NOW, I could thread the nuts onto the bolts and put away the ladder.
Oh, and of course, all this was happening when the weather here on the coast where humidity is generally low and there is ALWAYS a breeze which makes the weather SO much more pleasant than it was back in Missouri in August was feeling downright midwestern. Yesterday saw temps and humidity both hovering in the century range. And those shore breezes were but a pleasant memory as the storm closed in. I guess Fay was hogging all winds for herself and leaving nothing for the rest of us.
Still, Hurdle # 2 cleared.
xxx
Then, this morning, I pulled out my hurricane kit and took stock of my supplies. First aid kit: check. No-cook food: check. Flashlights: check. Batteries: check. Radio that doesn’t need AC current: ruh-roh.
I THOUGHT I had a useful radio—I really did. But, when I unpacked it I quickly discovered that, in order to listen to it I have to crank it continuously. And the crank is noisy.
Just try to listen to the radio and actually get some useful information in that situation. I noticed that my bedside clock radio had a battery compartment. So, it was off to Target this afternoon. I picked up several 9 volt batteries, brought em home and installed one. I unplugged the radio and tried to listen to it. Nope. It turns out, the only thing the battery is good for is keeping track of the time so that, AFTER POWER IS RESTORED, it knows what time it is and you don’t have to reset the clock. But as for either listening to the radio or being able to tell the time while the power is out, forget it.
I phoned a friend across the street. SHE has been here for years and years and has several battery-powered radios and a battery powered tv. So, she lent me one of her radios. Once more, saved by the skin of my teeth. And, again, I thought about Dr. Ingersol.
xxx
Then, finally [so far], I heard that sometime tonight, the rains are due to begin. So, I went out to close the accordion shutters over my glass doors. And discovered that they had been installed BACKWARD.
One half of my glass door opens and the other half is immobile. And the two sections of the accordion don’t meet in the middle. They meet in the middle of one side where, theoretically, the homeowner can shut them and easily reach the locking mechanism. Only, the installers installed em so that the closure is positioned over the IMMOVABLE side of the door.
I can look through the glass at it and it's the prettiest little lock you ever did see. It looks very efficient and I'm sure it would do a bang-up job of securing the two sections of doors. Only, I can’t actually, you know, REACH the lock over there beyond the pane of glass that can’t be moved.
After struggling with it in vain and finally just giving up, I came in and placed a very nasty phone call to the company that sold me these perfectly good shutters [except for the fact that I had to drill the holes in one of em myself and now, I couldn’t lock the section that is positioned over my MOST VULNERABLE window of all—the one that is 7 feet tall by 8 feet wide. Gee, thanks, Shutter Co.]
Of course, it’s now after 10 PM—so the most I could do was leave the company a nasty message which won’t be received till after the storm has passed.
[After all, the company's employees live in Florida, too. They're going to be securing their homes or hunkered down listening to THEIR radios tomorrow--not in the office listening to messages from irate customers.]
So, after I vented my spleen at the Shutter Company’s answering machine I stopped and thought the problem through. And, I had an idea.
That's a dangerous practice, I know. But, I'm used to working without a net.
I went hunting for that ladder I’d used yesterday to hang the shutter panels. And I couldn't find it. I opened the shed, couldn’t see my hand in front of my face, came inside and couldn’t find the flashlight I wanted. I located another one, went back outside, shined the flashlight around inside the shed and—the ladder wasn’t there.
I came back inside and hunted around and found the ladder and, sure enough, [**whew!** FINALLY SOMETHING WENT RIGHT!] the bungee cords WERE where I thought they were! They were wrapped around two tubes of the ladder. So, I went outside and rigged two bungee cords across the accordion doors to, hopefully, hold them closed.
BUT, the fact remains, they ARE outside and Fay IS coming. How long will it take her to TWANGGGGG those cords and send them flying, throw open the accordion doors and slam part of my neighbors' roof against my door and take it out? Probably a lot less time than it would take me to sue that company for installing the doors backward.
I think I’d better go think up a better way to seal that door. And here it is, coming up on 2:00 AM. Fay has made landfall and is headed my way. I think I’d better get busy.
xxx
Meanwhile, I just heard that Fay is starting to get more ‘organized’—which means this Tropical Storm could, yet, turn into a hurricane.
It’s starting to spawn tornadoes [and Florida doesn’t know the meaning of the word, ‘basement.’ An oversight I’m sure it has regretted in the past—and will again.]
Now the latest forecast is suggesting it’s starting to zig-zag. So, it could head back west again—toward Clearwater.
OK, Dr. Ingersoll, you were right. I was wrong. Are you happy, now?
***
Postscript:
I DID rethink and reroute those bungee cords INSIDE the accordion doors. I'm far from certain they will hold the doors shut when Fay hits, of course, but I think they may stand a better chance.
And, I am not, by nature, a litigious person. But, if those doors spring open and my glass doors get shattered and all the stuff stored in my Florida room gets flooded and or ruined or blown out and damages my neighbors' homes or whatever---or the inner door gets shattered and and my house is destroyed because the installers didn't pay attention to what they were doing---they're gonna learn the definition of 'lawsuit' in a hurry. . . .
Meanwhile, I certainly hope the world doesn't continue to remind me of an adventure novel. I've had enough excitement for one month--over the last 2 days.
***
Postscript # 2:
After all that, Fay veered east and didn't come back. The next day I had to go outside to discover the fact that it had rained a little.
Yep, Dr. Ingersoll is totally and completely vindicated. Blast his eyes.
18 August, 2008
Well, Fay is coming in for a landing tomorrow -- or Wednesday or Thursday -- who knows? They're calling the landfall 'uncertain' [as to time and place]. Gee, ya think???
Clearwater is smack in the middle of the zone-of-probability. So, whatever happens, I'll be out-of-pocket sometime in the next few days.
I've gotten my storm shutters up, brought in ALL my outdoor furniture [my Florida room looks like a junk sale (in fact, the whole house does)] and laid in a load of groceries that don't need to be cooked.
My home is a modular one even though it's in one of the infinite number of mobile home parks in Clearwater -- so it's pretty sturdy and I'm probably going to stay put.
Over and above my survival kit, I'm taking Jake-the-Cat, Molly and Huck [the computer twins] with me if I am-scray to higher ground. Hey! you wouldn't leave YOUR pets behind, would you?
Assuming I have a home after Thursday or so, I hope to be back up and running within a couple of weeks -- whenever power is restored.
If you don't hear from me by the end of August, please send any white light you can spare to the Clearwater, Florida region.
Thanx, two crows.
Clearwater is smack in the middle of the zone-of-probability. So, whatever happens, I'll be out-of-pocket sometime in the next few days.
I've gotten my storm shutters up, brought in ALL my outdoor furniture [my Florida room looks like a junk sale (in fact, the whole house does)] and laid in a load of groceries that don't need to be cooked.
My home is a modular one even though it's in one of the infinite number of mobile home parks in Clearwater -- so it's pretty sturdy and I'm probably going to stay put.
Over and above my survival kit, I'm taking Jake-the-Cat, Molly and Huck [the computer twins] with me if I am-scray to higher ground. Hey! you wouldn't leave YOUR pets behind, would you?
Assuming I have a home after Thursday or so, I hope to be back up and running within a couple of weeks -- whenever power is restored.
If you don't hear from me by the end of August, please send any white light you can spare to the Clearwater, Florida region.
Thanx, two crows.
18 July, 2008
12 July, 2008
06 July, 2008
Firmin
Book Review
Firmin by Sam Savage, illustrated by Michael Mikolowski, paperback, 162 pages, Coffee House Press, list price: $14.95
Firmin, the title character of Sam Savage's novel, is a real rat. I mean a real rat — the sort with four legs, a long tail and presumably a pinkish nose (the color isn't certain since the illustrations are in black and white). What sets Firmin apart from others of his clan is that Firmin is a reader. He devours books — both figuratively and literally.
Born in the basement of a book shop in Boston's Scollay Square in the 1960s, Firmin (the runt of the litter) discovers his passion early on when he is nourished not by his mother's milk (too many siblings jostling about ahead of him), but by the books he both gnaws on and reads. Beginning with a diet of Moby Dick and Don Quixote, Firmin naturally worries about finding his Destiny. A quick look in the mirror tells him that he'll never be as dapper and debonair as his hero Fred Astaire, and he'll never search for an elusive white whale or tilt at windmills. But surely, he thinks, there's something more to life than scrounging for food in a dilapidated movie theater:
Could it be that I, despite my unlikely appearance, have a Destiny? And by that I meant the sort of thing people have in stories, where the events of a life, no matter how they churn and swirl, are swirled and churned in the end into a kind of pattern … Lives in stories have direction and meaning. Even stupid and meaningless lives, like Lenny's in Of Mice and Men, acquire through their place in a story at least the dignity and meaning of being Stupid Meaningless Lives, the consolation of being exemplars of something. In real life you do not get even that. ...
xxx
This darkly comic homage to the power of imagination, the lure of books and the desire to live a life that means something speaks to all of us. And you'll never think about rats the same way.
Firmin by Sam Savage, illustrated by Michael Mikolowski, paperback, 162 pages, Coffee House Press, list price: $14.95
Firmin, the title character of Sam Savage's novel, is a real rat. I mean a real rat — the sort with four legs, a long tail and presumably a pinkish nose (the color isn't certain since the illustrations are in black and white). What sets Firmin apart from others of his clan is that Firmin is a reader. He devours books — both figuratively and literally.Born in the basement of a book shop in Boston's Scollay Square in the 1960s, Firmin (the runt of the litter) discovers his passion early on when he is nourished not by his mother's milk (too many siblings jostling about ahead of him), but by the books he both gnaws on and reads. Beginning with a diet of Moby Dick and Don Quixote, Firmin naturally worries about finding his Destiny. A quick look in the mirror tells him that he'll never be as dapper and debonair as his hero Fred Astaire, and he'll never search for an elusive white whale or tilt at windmills. But surely, he thinks, there's something more to life than scrounging for food in a dilapidated movie theater:
Could it be that I, despite my unlikely appearance, have a Destiny? And by that I meant the sort of thing people have in stories, where the events of a life, no matter how they churn and swirl, are swirled and churned in the end into a kind of pattern … Lives in stories have direction and meaning. Even stupid and meaningless lives, like Lenny's in Of Mice and Men, acquire through their place in a story at least the dignity and meaning of being Stupid Meaningless Lives, the consolation of being exemplars of something. In real life you do not get even that. ...
xxx
This darkly comic homage to the power of imagination, the lure of books and the desire to live a life that means something speaks to all of us. And you'll never think about rats the same way.
02 July, 2008
Previously
Previously by Allan Ahlberg, illustrated by Bruce Ingman, hardcover, 32 pages, Candlewick Press, list price: $16.99Allan Ahlberg's whimsical take on the world comes through clearly in all of his books for young children, but perhaps never more so than in Previously, where he teams up with artist Bruce Ingman to produce a charming concatenation of some familiar fairy tales. Beginning with Goldilocks arriving home after her adventure with the three bears, author and illustrator tell her story backward, so to speak, by describing what she had been doing "previously." The final "previously" has her walking in the woods, before coming upon the house of the three bears, where she bumped into Jack (of climbing the beanstalk fame).
As his story progresses backward, it turns out that he's the same Jack who tumbled down the hill with his sister Jill, and that the two of them had encountered the Frog Prince, who (before he was turned into a frog) had fallen in love with "a disappearing girl named … Cinderella," who had collided with the Gingerbread Man and his retinue, and so on and so on, until the very satisfying conclusion.
Reading this book aloud to 4- to 8-year-old children is a delight. Not only will they take great pleasure in repeating "previously" with you each time it appears (nearly 30 times) in the text, but they'll appreciate Ahlberg's word pictures — The Frog, "sitting on the window sill/with a sorrowful look in his eye/and a crown on his head"; or Goldilocks, who "had been humming a tune/and having a little skip by herself in the dark woods." Beginning with the deliberately childlike pencil drawings on the endpapers, Ingram's pictures offer a colorful and clever complement for Ahlberg's quirky text. Just take a look at the picture of the poor Frog Prince watching Jack and Jill arguing at the breakfast table, and you'll see what I mean.
30 June, 2008
29 June, 2008
The Ghost in Love
Book Review
The ghost was in love with a woman named German Landis. Just hearing that arresting,
peculiar name would have made the ghost's heart flutter if it had had one. She was coming over in less than an hour, so it was hurrying now to make everything ready. The ghost was a very good cook, sometimes a great one. If it'd spent more time at it or had more interest in the subject, it would have been exceptional.
From its large bed in a corner of the kitchen a mixed-breed, black-and-oatmeal-colored dog watched with great interest as the ghost prepared the meal. This mutt was the only reason that German Landis was coming here today. His name was Pilot, after a poem the woman loved about a Seeing Eye dog.
Suddenly sensing something, the ghost stopped what it was doing and eyeballed the dog. Peevishly, it demanded "What?"
Pilot shook his head. "Nothing. I was only watching you work."
"Liar. That is not the only thing. I know what you were thinking: that I'm an idiot to be doing this."
Embarrassed, the dog turned away and began furiously biting one of its rear paws.
"Don't do that. Look at me. You think I'm nuts, don't you?"
Pilot said nothing and kept biting his foot.
"Don't you?"
"Yes, I think you're nuts, but I also think it's very sweet. I only wish she could see what you're doing for her."
Resigned, the ghost shrugged and sighed. "It helps when I cook. When my mind is focused, I don't get so frustrated."
"I understand."
"No, you do not. How could you? You're only a dog."
The dog rolled his eyes. "Idiot."
"Quadruped."
They had a cordial relationship. Like Icelandic or Finnish, "Dog" is spoken by very few. Only dogs and dead people understand the language. When Pilot wanted to talk, he either had to get in a quick chat with whatever canine he happened to meet on the street when he was taken out for a walk three times a day, or he spoke with this ghost—who, by attrition, knew more about Pilot now than any dog had ever known. There aren't that many human ghosts in the land of the living so this one was equally happy for the dog's company.
Pilot asked, "I kept meaning to ask: Where did you get your name?"
The cook purposely ignored the dog's question and continued preparing the meal. When it needed an ingredient, it closed its eyes and held out an open hand. A moment later the thing materialized in the middle of its palm: a jungle-green lime, a small pile of red cayenne pepper, or a particularly rare saffron from Sri Lanks. Pilot watched, absorbed, never tiring of this amazing feat.
"What if you imagined an elephant? Would it appear in your hand too?"
Dicing onions now almost faster than the eye could see, the ghost grinned. "If I had a big enough hand, yes."
The ghost was in love with a woman named German Landis. Just hearing that arresting,
peculiar name would have made the ghost's heart flutter if it had had one. She was coming over in less than an hour, so it was hurrying now to make everything ready. The ghost was a very good cook, sometimes a great one. If it'd spent more time at it or had more interest in the subject, it would have been exceptional.From its large bed in a corner of the kitchen a mixed-breed, black-and-oatmeal-colored dog watched with great interest as the ghost prepared the meal. This mutt was the only reason that German Landis was coming here today. His name was Pilot, after a poem the woman loved about a Seeing Eye dog.
Suddenly sensing something, the ghost stopped what it was doing and eyeballed the dog. Peevishly, it demanded "What?"
Pilot shook his head. "Nothing. I was only watching you work."
"Liar. That is not the only thing. I know what you were thinking: that I'm an idiot to be doing this."
Embarrassed, the dog turned away and began furiously biting one of its rear paws.
"Don't do that. Look at me. You think I'm nuts, don't you?"
Pilot said nothing and kept biting his foot.
"Don't you?"
"Yes, I think you're nuts, but I also think it's very sweet. I only wish she could see what you're doing for her."
Resigned, the ghost shrugged and sighed. "It helps when I cook. When my mind is focused, I don't get so frustrated."
"I understand."
"No, you do not. How could you? You're only a dog."
The dog rolled his eyes. "Idiot."
"Quadruped."
They had a cordial relationship. Like Icelandic or Finnish, "Dog" is spoken by very few. Only dogs and dead people understand the language. When Pilot wanted to talk, he either had to get in a quick chat with whatever canine he happened to meet on the street when he was taken out for a walk three times a day, or he spoke with this ghost—who, by attrition, knew more about Pilot now than any dog had ever known. There aren't that many human ghosts in the land of the living so this one was equally happy for the dog's company.
Pilot asked, "I kept meaning to ask: Where did you get your name?"
The cook purposely ignored the dog's question and continued preparing the meal. When it needed an ingredient, it closed its eyes and held out an open hand. A moment later the thing materialized in the middle of its palm: a jungle-green lime, a small pile of red cayenne pepper, or a particularly rare saffron from Sri Lanks. Pilot watched, absorbed, never tiring of this amazing feat.
"What if you imagined an elephant? Would it appear in your hand too?"
Dicing onions now almost faster than the eye could see, the ghost grinned. "If I had a big enough hand, yes."
26 June, 2008
25 June, 2008
Hey, folks--
A major change just happened in my life which may well result in fewer posts being put up here than was previously the case:
For the last six months or longer I've been approaching one after another person in my community asking for help with some major projects I'm undertaking in my new home. Several people said things like, 'Oh, sure, I'll help you, as soon as ______ [fill in the blank].'
I think we all know what THAT means, right?
A couple of weeks ago, I was reduced to going through the yellow pages and phoning handy-men for estimates. When one quoted me the price of $800.00 to wallpaper 2 walls [that's WALLS, mind you, not ROOMS], I again started talking to people in my neighborhood.
So, last week, when a friend of a friend actually set a date to begin, I held my breath and SHE ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH! :)
The resulting mural in my living room is stunningly beautiful if I do say so.
She has agreed to help me with several other projects, as well. Another mural, for instance, building a loft-bed-with-closet- underneath [and a staircase for getting into bed], the frame for the air-chair I brought with me [that is still in its box], constructing and filling a 2nd shed, converting the first shed into a workshop, and some major landscaping. You get the picture.
So, posts are likely to be thin on the ground for a while.
I hope to keep at least one blog fairly functional even while all these plates are in the air and—most likely—that one will be All that Is.
So, please do drop by http://the-turtles-back.blogspot.com/ and visit Mary Ellen of The Divine Democrat [who is co-hosting] and me.
I imagine if something absolutely outrageous occurs in Washington [and how likely is THAT to happen?] I'll put in an appearance at Preserve, Protect and Defend to scream about it. So, I hope you'll check in there occasionally, as well.
xxx
But, let's face it, if someone says she'll help me build a bed/closet complex or an air chair and actually SHOWS UP—well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, don't cha know?
A major change just happened in my life which may well result in fewer posts being put up here than was previously the case:
For the last six months or longer I've been approaching one after another person in my community asking for help with some major projects I'm undertaking in my new home. Several people said things like, 'Oh, sure, I'll help you, as soon as ______ [fill in the blank].'
I think we all know what THAT means, right?
A couple of weeks ago, I was reduced to going through the yellow pages and phoning handy-men for estimates. When one quoted me the price of $800.00 to wallpaper 2 walls [that's WALLS, mind you, not ROOMS], I again started talking to people in my neighborhood.
So, last week, when a friend of a friend actually set a date to begin, I held my breath and SHE ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH! :)
The resulting mural in my living room is stunningly beautiful if I do say so.
She has agreed to help me with several other projects, as well. Another mural, for instance, building a loft-bed-with-closet- underneath [and a staircase for getting into bed], the frame for the air-chair I brought with me [that is still in its box], constructing and filling a 2nd shed, converting the first shed into a workshop, and some major landscaping. You get the picture.So, posts are likely to be thin on the ground for a while.
I hope to keep at least one blog fairly functional even while all these plates are in the air and—most likely—that one will be All that Is.
So, please do drop by http://the-turtles-back.blogspot.com/ and visit Mary Ellen of The Divine Democrat [who is co-hosting] and me.
I imagine if something absolutely outrageous occurs in Washington [and how likely is THAT to happen?] I'll put in an appearance at Preserve, Protect and Defend to scream about it. So, I hope you'll check in there occasionally, as well.
xxx
But, let's face it, if someone says she'll help me build a bed/closet complex or an air chair and actually SHOWS UP—well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, don't cha know?
23 June, 2008
Cindy McCain Robot Gets New Head -- by Andy Borowitz
State-of-the-Art Head Stores 2,000 Recipes
"We have the technology."
That was the message out of the McCain camp today as Sen. John McCain unveiled a newly refurbished Cindy McCain robot, featuring a
state-of-the-art replacement head.
While the Cindy McCain robot had been a fixture during the primary campaign, appearing at the senator's side at hundreds of campaign events, a McCain campaign aide went out of his way to indicate that with its newly installed head, the CinBot-9000 was ready "to take it to a whole new level."
"This new head is going to enable the Cindy McCain robot to do things that it could never do before," said McCain aide Davison Matz. "For one thing, it will now be able to talk."
Mr. Davison said that while the robot's previous head had been able to emit simple sentences such as "I've always been proud of my country," the replacement head will have a 400-word vocabulary that will enable the android to simulate human-like speech.
"The robot will be able to talk about the economy as well as Sen. McCain himself," Mr. Davison said.
He also said that the newly improved Cindy McCain robot would have increased data storage, enabling it to store up to 2,000 recipes from a variety of online recipe sites.
Appearing with Sen. McCain at its unveiling, the CinBot-9000's new head appeared virtually identical to the previous one, down to its bleached blonde hair and glassy-eyed stare.
Beaming with pride, the GOP nominee remarked on the new head's resemblance to the old one: "She still plasters her makeup on like a trollop."
^^^
And with a trowel, it looks like.
State-of-the-Art Head Stores 2,000 Recipes
"We have the technology."
That was the message out of the McCain camp today as Sen. John McCain unveiled a newly refurbished Cindy McCain robot, featuring a
state-of-the-art replacement head.
While the Cindy McCain robot had been a fixture during the primary campaign, appearing at the senator's side at hundreds of campaign events, a McCain campaign aide went out of his way to indicate that with its newly installed head, the CinBot-9000 was ready "to take it to a whole new level."
"This new head is going to enable the Cindy McCain robot to do things that it could never do before," said McCain aide Davison Matz. "For one thing, it will now be able to talk."
Mr. Davison said that while the robot's previous head had been able to emit simple sentences such as "I've always been proud of my country," the replacement head will have a 400-word vocabulary that will enable the android to simulate human-like speech.
"The robot will be able to talk about the economy as well as Sen. McCain himself," Mr. Davison said.
He also said that the newly improved Cindy McCain robot would have increased data storage, enabling it to store up to 2,000 recipes from a variety of online recipe sites.
Appearing with Sen. McCain at its unveiling, the CinBot-9000's new head appeared virtually identical to the previous one, down to its bleached blonde hair and glassy-eyed stare.
Beaming with pride, the GOP nominee remarked on the new head's resemblance to the old one: "She still plasters her makeup on like a trollop."
^^^
And with a trowel, it looks like.
16 May, 2008
06 May, 2008
This from the Washington Post
It's About Nothing -- by Dana Milbank
Dispatches from the twilight of a presidency:
7:13 a.m.: The South Lawn. President Bush, determined to dispel doubts about his relevance, grants an early-morning interview to Robin Roberts of ABC News's "Good Morning America." Joined by the first lady, he fields hard-hitting questions about . . . the White House grounds. "It's a beautiful place," the president discloses.
^^^
7:58 a.m.: By e-mail, the White House Communications Office sends out its "Morning Update." It lists two events on Bush's schedule for the entire day: a "Social Dinner in Honor of Cinco de Mayo" and, an hour later, post-dinner entertainment. To react to the main news of the day -- thousands of deaths from the cyclone in Burma -- Bush sends his wife out to make a statement. She criticizes the Burmese government for its failure "to issue a timely warning to citizens in the storm's path" and "to meet its people's basic needs." Reporters, too tactful to draw parallels to New Orleans, quiz her instead about daughter Jenna's wedding. . . .
^^^
12:39 p.m.: The White House Briefing Room. On the podium, the understudy to the understudy to the substitute to the understudy to Bush's first White House press secretary is giving a sparsely attended briefing on what he knows about Burma blocking relief efforts ("I am not aware of that report"). . . .
Eight months before the end of his second term, President Bush is forgotten but not gone. Power has shifted to Congress, attention has moved to the campaign trail, and the White House seems at times to be just going through the motions. For many reporters who remain on the White House beat, it has become a time to phone it in -- literally.
^^^
Click here for the complete text.
<><><>
Now, may Congress use the power it has for good--unlike what it did the other day when it gave big money to farm subsidies while, simultaneously, cutting funding for starving children around the world.
It's About Nothing -- by Dana Milbank
Dispatches from the twilight of a presidency:
7:13 a.m.: The South Lawn. President Bush, determined to dispel doubts about his relevance, grants an early-morning interview to Robin Roberts of ABC News's "Good Morning America." Joined by the first lady, he fields hard-hitting questions about . . . the White House grounds. "It's a beautiful place," the president discloses.
^^^
7:58 a.m.: By e-mail, the White House Communications Office sends out its "Morning Update." It lists two events on Bush's schedule for the entire day: a "Social Dinner in Honor of Cinco de Mayo" and, an hour later, post-dinner entertainment. To react to the main news of the day -- thousands of deaths from the cyclone in Burma -- Bush sends his wife out to make a statement. She criticizes the Burmese government for its failure "to issue a timely warning to citizens in the storm's path" and "to meet its people's basic needs." Reporters, too tactful to draw parallels to New Orleans, quiz her instead about daughter Jenna's wedding. . . .
^^^
12:39 p.m.: The White House Briefing Room. On the podium, the understudy to the understudy to the substitute to the understudy to Bush's first White House press secretary is giving a sparsely attended briefing on what he knows about Burma blocking relief efforts ("I am not aware of that report"). . . .
Eight months before the end of his second term, President Bush is forgotten but not gone. Power has shifted to Congress, attention has moved to the campaign trail, and the White House seems at times to be just going through the motions. For many reporters who remain on the White House beat, it has become a time to phone it in -- literally.
^^^
Click here for the complete text.
<><><>
Now, may Congress use the power it has for good--unlike what it did the other day when it gave big money to farm subsidies while, simultaneously, cutting funding for starving children around the world.
11 April, 2008
Saint Shrub
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church in NW Washington as part of his campaign to restore his 28% approval rating in the polls. Karl Rove made a visit to the Bishop and said, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the President's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, Hurricane Katrina, and the VA Hospitals. But, we'll make a $500,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint.
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church could really use the money - I'll do it."
The following Sunday, President Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began: "I'd like to speak to all of you this morning about our President, George Bush. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated nation on earth. He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression."
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome Scandal. "The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars, gas prices are up 85%, which the people of America cannot afford, and vital research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from the religious right."
"He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known. But compared to Dick Cheney, George W. Bush is a saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church could really use the money - I'll do it."
The following Sunday, President Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began: "I'd like to speak to all of you this morning about our President, George Bush. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated nation on earth. He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression."
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome Scandal. "The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars, gas prices are up 85%, which the people of America cannot afford, and vital research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from the religious right."
"He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known. But compared to Dick Cheney, George W. Bush is a saint."
09 April, 2008
Hello, All--
My abrupt departure was occasioned by the death of my mother.
It wasn't really a surprise although we'd been lulled into a false sense of security, I suppose.
She'd had Alzheimer's Disease for many years so we knew it was only a matter of time.
But, on the other hand, her hospice nurse had told me just a week and a half before her death that she was walking daily [with help], hoarding food [a common occurrence among Alzheimer's patients] and taking her baby doll with her everywhere. So, when the end came, it did feel pretty sudden.
At that, I believe she did my sister and me a favor.
I'm not one who hankers for the bedside vigil, myself. I've done it with people outside my family and what it boils down to, for me, is sitting by the bed feeling helpless. My mother spared us that. She departed while my sister and I were both in airplanes with our phones turned off.
By the time we got to her home, she had been cleaned up and did look to be sleeping. Yes, I expected her to open her eyes and say, 'What are you all staring at?'
My abrupt departure was occasioned by the death of my mother.
It wasn't really a surprise although we'd been lulled into a false sense of security, I suppose.
She'd had Alzheimer's Disease for many years so we knew it was only a matter of time.
But, on the other hand, her hospice nurse had told me just a week and a half before her death that she was walking daily [with help], hoarding food [a common occurrence among Alzheimer's patients] and taking her baby doll with her everywhere. So, when the end came, it did feel pretty sudden.
At that, I believe she did my sister and me a favor.
I'm not one who hankers for the bedside vigil, myself. I've done it with people outside my family and what it boils down to, for me, is sitting by the bed feeling helpless. My mother spared us that. She departed while my sister and I were both in airplanes with our phones turned off.
By the time we got to her home, she had been cleaned up and did look to be sleeping. Yes, I expected her to open her eyes and say, 'What are you all staring at?'
03 April, 2008
Market Tumbles on News That Bush Is Still President
White House Appearance ‘A Painful Reminder,’ Experts Say
by Andy Borowitz
President George W. Bush used a Rose Garden appearance today to reassure investors that he was at the helm of the U.S. economy, causing stock markets to plummet around the world.
“You don’t have to worry about this economy, because I am in charge of it,” said Mr. Bush, touching off what some observers were calling a global financial panic.
Mr. Bush began his remarks about the economy at 10:30 A.M. eastern time, and by 10:31 markets around the world had already gone into a perilous free-fall.
According to Wall Street insiders, the markets were responding to the news that Mr. Bush was still president.
“Over the last few weeks, the markets have absorbed the news of the subprime crisis, the housing meltdown, and the Bear Stearns failure,” said Logan Teasdale of Citigroup. “But the news that President Bush is still president was too much for the markets to shrug off.”
Over the past few months, Mr. Teasdale said, traders have tried hard to forget that Mr. Bush was still president, but his White House remarks today were “a painful reminder.”
At the Federal Reserve, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke huddled with central bankers to find a way to calm the markets rattled by Mr. Bush’s alarming appearance.
One solution reportedly being pondered by the Fed would involve sending Mr. Bush to Disney World for the remainder of his time in office.
Elsewhere, in his first comment on the Eliot Spitzer scandal, Vice President Dick Cheney said he has never hired a prostitute because “I’ve been screwing the country the last seven years.”
White House Appearance ‘A Painful Reminder,’ Experts Say
by Andy Borowitz
President George W. Bush used a Rose Garden appearance today to reassure investors that he was at the helm of the U.S. economy, causing stock markets to plummet around the world.
“You don’t have to worry about this economy, because I am in charge of it,” said Mr. Bush, touching off what some observers were calling a global financial panic.
Mr. Bush began his remarks about the economy at 10:30 A.M. eastern time, and by 10:31 markets around the world had already gone into a perilous free-fall.
According to Wall Street insiders, the markets were responding to the news that Mr. Bush was still president.
“Over the last few weeks, the markets have absorbed the news of the subprime crisis, the housing meltdown, and the Bear Stearns failure,” said Logan Teasdale of Citigroup. “But the news that President Bush is still president was too much for the markets to shrug off.”
Over the past few months, Mr. Teasdale said, traders have tried hard to forget that Mr. Bush was still president, but his White House remarks today were “a painful reminder.”
At the Federal Reserve, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke huddled with central bankers to find a way to calm the markets rattled by Mr. Bush’s alarming appearance.
One solution reportedly being pondered by the Fed would involve sending Mr. Bush to Disney World for the remainder of his time in office.
Elsewhere, in his first comment on the Eliot Spitzer scandal, Vice President Dick Cheney said he has never hired a prostitute because “I’ve been screwing the country the last seven years.”
27 March, 2008
25 March, 2008
01 March, 2008
28 February, 2008
This from the Borowitz Report:
Cash-rich Obama Buys Yahoo
Outbids Microsoft for Internet Giant
Flush with cash after a deluge of online donations, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) stunned the business world today by outbidding Microsoft for the Internet giant Yahoo.
The purchase of Yahoo is believed to be the largest acquisition of a multibillion-dollar company ever by a Democratic presidential candidate, industry experts said.
A spokesman for Microsoft at the company’s Redmond, Washington headquarters acknowledged that the company was “disappointed” to lose Yahoo to Sen. Obama, but added, “We can’t really be mad at him, because we love him so.”
The news of Sen. Obama’s $48 billion offer for Yahoo sent a shudder through Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)’s campaign, which for the past six weeks has been subsisting on Ramen noodles.
In his televised debate in Cleveland, Ohio with Sen. Clinton, Sen. Obama said that he was able to purchase Yahoo because his campaign was reaping online donations averaging $1.8 billion a day.
Mr. Obama also offered to “personally hire” 2 million Ohioans to do odd jobs around his campaign headquarters.
“People say, can we really come up with enough errands for 2 million Ohioans to do?” he said. “Yes we can.”
Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick praised Sen. Obama’s plan, telling reporters, “His campaign is more than just words, he is offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.”
Sen. Obama later added, “My campaign is more than just words, I am offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.”
Elsewhere, President Bush said that the economy was not in a recession, leading economists to conclude that the economy was in a recession.
Cash-rich Obama Buys Yahoo
Outbids Microsoft for Internet Giant
Flush with cash after a deluge of online donations, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) stunned the business world today by outbidding Microsoft for the Internet giant Yahoo.
The purchase of Yahoo is believed to be the largest acquisition of a multibillion-dollar company ever by a Democratic presidential candidate, industry experts said.
A spokesman for Microsoft at the company’s Redmond, Washington headquarters acknowledged that the company was “disappointed” to lose Yahoo to Sen. Obama, but added, “We can’t really be mad at him, because we love him so.”
The news of Sen. Obama’s $48 billion offer for Yahoo sent a shudder through Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)’s campaign, which for the past six weeks has been subsisting on Ramen noodles.
In his televised debate in Cleveland, Ohio with Sen. Clinton, Sen. Obama said that he was able to purchase Yahoo because his campaign was reaping online donations averaging $1.8 billion a day.
Mr. Obama also offered to “personally hire” 2 million Ohioans to do odd jobs around his campaign headquarters.
“People say, can we really come up with enough errands for 2 million Ohioans to do?” he said. “Yes we can.”
Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick praised Sen. Obama’s plan, telling reporters, “His campaign is more than just words, he is offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.”
Sen. Obama later added, “My campaign is more than just words, I am offering people a real opportunity to go on a Starbucks run.”
Elsewhere, President Bush said that the economy was not in a recession, leading economists to conclude that the economy was in a recession.
04 February, 2008
01 February, 2008
This from the Onion:
Area Eccentric Reads Entire Book
January 19, 2008
GREENWOOD, IN—Sitting in a quiet downtown diner, local hospital administrator Philip Meyer
looks as normal and well-adjusted as can be. Yet, there's more to this 27-year-old than first meets the eye: Meyer has recently finished reading a book.
Yes, the whole thing.
Area Eccentric Reads Entire Book
January 19, 2008
GREENWOOD, IN—Sitting in a quiet downtown diner, local hospital administrator Philip Meyer
looks as normal and well-adjusted as can be. Yet, there's more to this 27-year-old than first meets the eye: Meyer has recently finished reading a book.
Yes, the whole thing.
Click here for the complete text.
30 January, 2008
28 January, 2008
Recycling Mostly Air. Not anymore!
Back when I was selling the KC house, I held out to be able to take my high quality can-crusher with me. Of course, if I’d been thinking clearly I’d have taken it off the wall before putting the house on the market in the first place. But as anyone who was around at the time is fully aware, I was NOT thinking clearly. [fwiw—if ANYONE who undertook a home-sale-and-cross-country-move was thinking clearly they simply wouldn’t do it—right?]Where was I—oh yeah:
So, after I got somewhat settled in, I looked around and couldn’t find my drill bits. Okay, no problem, they ‘ll surface—right? Wrong.
Well, I WAS NOT going to out and buy new ones. If I did that every time they went missing, there’d be no point in recycling in the first place except to replace the resources I’d wasted by being so absent minded. I held out and, yesterday, I FOUND EM!
So, today I finally got the drill bits, the power drill, the level, 3 large screws and the can crusher all into one room at the same time—and all it took was 10 months and 2 weeks. The can-crusher is now mounted on the wall. The tools are put away [and, this time, I know where I put the bits]. The aluminum cans that had previously FILLED a fairly large plastic shopping bag now take up about 1/8 of the space in said bag.
Now, a word of warning here:
If anyone who comments on this piece resorts to giggling, chuckling, snortling, guffawing or pointing and snickering when I reveal the fact that the drill bits were in a toolbox in the laundry room [the room I mounted the can-crusher in and where it has been residing just waiting to be installed for most of those 10+ months] their comment will be summarily deleted—
just sayin. :)
26 January, 2008
All together now, 'Awwwwwwwwwww'
This came to me via email. While I can't swear it isn't photoshopped, I like to believe it is real. :)
21 January, 2008
The Politics Thickens
Edwards Blasts Obama for Criticizing Hillary’s Claim That Obama Criticized Edwards
-- by Andy Borowitz
Iowans Confused By Charges, Countercharges, Counter-countercharges
An already perplexing Iowa race became even more impenetrable today as former Sen. John Edwards blasted Sen. Barack Obama for criticizing Sen. Hillary Clinton’s claim that Sen. Obama had criticized Sen. Edwards.
At a campaign rally in Cedar Rapids, the former North Carolina senator said that the Illinois senator’s criticism of the New York senator for claiming that the Illinois senator had criticized the North Carolina senator was “an attempt to confuse the voters.”
Mr. Edwards’ comments set off a new round of charges, countercharges, and counter-countercharges between the three Democratic rivals, with Sen. Obama lashing out at Sen. Clinton for supporting Mr. Edwards’ criticism of Sen. Obama’s criticism of Sen. Clinton.
In a particularly nasty remark, Mr. Obama called Mr. Edwards a son of a mill worker, “but not in so many words.”
Davis Logsdon, chairman of the political science department at the University of Minnesota, says that the Edwards-Obama-Clinton battle royal may be contributing to Iowa voters’ fatigue: “Without a doubt, the Iowa caucuses are turning into the grossest three-way in history.”
New polls taken after the latest volleys and counter-volleys between the three candidates were inconclusive, as a majority of Iowans polled said they were “totally sick of being polled.”
With less than a week to go before the Iowa caucuses, 61% of likely voters agreed with the statement, “If one more stupid pollster asks me one more retarded question I swear I will go postal on his ass, I am not kidding.”
***
I'll bet this is pretty accurate -- even if it is a satire. And we've got 11 more months of this insanity. Oh, well, if we get a non-repulican president and congress out of it, it'll all have been worth it. :)
-- by Andy Borowitz
Iowans Confused By Charges, Countercharges, Counter-countercharges
An already perplexing Iowa race became even more impenetrable today as former Sen. John Edwards blasted Sen. Barack Obama for criticizing Sen. Hillary Clinton’s claim that Sen. Obama had criticized Sen. Edwards.
At a campaign rally in Cedar Rapids, the former North Carolina senator said that the Illinois senator’s criticism of the New York senator for claiming that the Illinois senator had criticized the North Carolina senator was “an attempt to confuse the voters.”
Mr. Edwards’ comments set off a new round of charges, countercharges, and counter-countercharges between the three Democratic rivals, with Sen. Obama lashing out at Sen. Clinton for supporting Mr. Edwards’ criticism of Sen. Obama’s criticism of Sen. Clinton.
In a particularly nasty remark, Mr. Obama called Mr. Edwards a son of a mill worker, “but not in so many words.”
Davis Logsdon, chairman of the political science department at the University of Minnesota, says that the Edwards-Obama-Clinton battle royal may be contributing to Iowa voters’ fatigue: “Without a doubt, the Iowa caucuses are turning into the grossest three-way in history.”
New polls taken after the latest volleys and counter-volleys between the three candidates were inconclusive, as a majority of Iowans polled said they were “totally sick of being polled.”
With less than a week to go before the Iowa caucuses, 61% of likely voters agreed with the statement, “If one more stupid pollster asks me one more retarded question I swear I will go postal on his ass, I am not kidding.”
***
I'll bet this is pretty accurate -- even if it is a satire. And we've got 11 more months of this insanity. Oh, well, if we get a non-repulican president and congress out of it, it'll all have been worth it. :)
16 January, 2008
Bush Backs Phased Redeployment. . . of Congress
By Don Davis
Ushering in a new era of “Bye-Partisanship,” President Bush today announced his plan for Congressional withdrawal, in which Democrats would gradually be redeployed to points outside the Beltway.
click here for the article
:)
Ushering in a new era of “Bye-Partisanship,” President Bush today announced his plan for Congressional withdrawal, in which Democrats would gradually be redeployed to points outside the Beltway.
click here for the article
:)
10 January, 2008
My Living Will
I, Two Crows, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Chocolate
Hamburger with onions
Malt w/ Whipped cream
French Fries
southern comfort manhatten
Pizza
Ice Cream
Chocolate
Cafe Mocha Latte
Chocolate
Sex
... it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and turn out the lights - - -
"The party's over!!!"
21 December, 2007
Macy's Is At It Again!
From the original Path to Peace baskets [costs range from $35.00 to $75.00] and the 'O' Bracelets [$132.00 to $330.00] that help the women in war-torn, AIDS- and poverty-stricken Rwanda.
"How's that for a fashion statement?"
btw--all items listed here are available online and, I think, you won't find them in stores. jfwiw.
14 December, 2007
11 December, 2007
04 December, 2007
Democratic Debate and Live Blog
Hey folks, in case you haven't heard, there's going to be a live-blogging event over at Mary Ellen's Divine Democrat set to coincide with NPR's Democratic Debate at 2:00 PM EST today. So, drop by if you can, tune your radio or 'puter to NPR and include your 2c worth.
Hope to see you there! :)
Hope to see you there! :)
29 November, 2007
Cheney’s Doctors Detect Signs of Heart
This from the Borowitz Report-- :)
^^^
Sudden Appearance of Major Organ Confounds Experts
In a stunning development that has confounded medical experts around the world, doctors examining Vice President Dick Cheney said today that they have detected signs of a heart.
The vice president was rushed to the hospital over the weekend after complaining of chest pains, but no one in Mr. Cheney’s inner circle suspected that a human heart was the cause.
“We had been operating under the assumption that he didn’t have one,” said chief of staff David Addington, who said that Mr. Cheney also has not had a soul since 1995, when it was purchased by the Halliburton Company.
At George Washington University Hospital, doctors struggled to contain their excitement about what appeared to be the medical anomaly of the century: the sudden appearance of a human heart in a 66-year-old man.
“It is too early to say conclusively,” said Dr. Carol Foyler, head of the team of doctors who examined the vice president. “But so far the beating and pumping sounds we are hearing in the vice president’s chest cavity are very much consistent with his having a heart.”
Dr. Foyler stressed that if the sounds emanating from Mr. Cheney’s chest are those of a human heart, “This will contradict everything we thought we knew about Dick Cheney.”
At the White House, spokesperson Dana Perino said that the sudden appearance of a heart in Dick Cheney’s chest had motivated President Bush to schedule an MRI of his head.
Elsewhere, Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) said that writing his memoirs would be “challenging,” adding, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”
^^^
Sudden Appearance of Major Organ Confounds Experts
In a stunning development that has confounded medical experts around the world, doctors examining Vice President Dick Cheney said today that they have detected signs of a heart.
The vice president was rushed to the hospital over the weekend after complaining of chest pains, but no one in Mr. Cheney’s inner circle suspected that a human heart was the cause.
“We had been operating under the assumption that he didn’t have one,” said chief of staff David Addington, who said that Mr. Cheney also has not had a soul since 1995, when it was purchased by the Halliburton Company.
At George Washington University Hospital, doctors struggled to contain their excitement about what appeared to be the medical anomaly of the century: the sudden appearance of a human heart in a 66-year-old man.
“It is too early to say conclusively,” said Dr. Carol Foyler, head of the team of doctors who examined the vice president. “But so far the beating and pumping sounds we are hearing in the vice president’s chest cavity are very much consistent with his having a heart.”
Dr. Foyler stressed that if the sounds emanating from Mr. Cheney’s chest are those of a human heart, “This will contradict everything we thought we knew about Dick Cheney.”
At the White House, spokesperson Dana Perino said that the sudden appearance of a heart in Dick Cheney’s chest had motivated President Bush to schedule an MRI of his head.
Elsewhere, Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) said that writing his memoirs would be “challenging,” adding, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”
14 November, 2007
Harry Potter's Secret
Hint: It Has Nothing to Do With Gay Headmasters
By Michael Gerson
There is something inherently odd about considering the sex lives of fictional characters in children's books. Just how hearty were the Hardy boys? And we will not even speculate about Heidi's reclusive grandfather.
xxx
Gerson [a traditional conservative] points out that "Ruling out magic in children's literature would, of course, completely depopulate Narnia and Middle Earth, leaving just silent forest." and "Magic is usually the way that children are introduced to the idea of transcendence."
xxx
Interestingly, the Narnia series, which includes a God/Christ-like lion isn't condemned by the neo-conservatives who seem to take the magic in those books in stride:
The children arrive through a magical wardrobe.
They converse with badgers, rabbits, etc.
They even fight a war with evil characters who seem to come from an area that resembles the Middle East of this world and worship a God who resembles Mohammed -- in a book written a generation before Islam- bashing became fashionable.
xxx
The 'Secret' alluded to in the title of the article, though is one we would all do well to emulate: it's Love.
And it includes acceptance of beings who are different from the reader, or of Harry himself, such as half-bloods, werewolves, giants, house elves, goblins and so on.
Loving those who are different from us? What a heretical message to teach our children! --according to the far-right-Christians.
Never-mind what Joshua bar Joseph taught.
Click here for the complete text [of the article--not the Deathly Hallows :)]
By Michael Gerson
There is something inherently odd about considering the sex lives of fictional characters in children's books. Just how hearty were the Hardy boys? And we will not even speculate about Heidi's reclusive grandfather.
But J.K. Rowling has forced such considerations upon us with her announcement that Albus Dumbledore, the beloved headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is gay. The news, delivered by the author after a Carnegie Hall reading, was received with gasps in the audience and around the world.
The Dumbledore revelation was taken by many Christian conservatives as additional confirmation that Rowling is a corrupter of youth. What could be more subversive than the combination of witchcraft and homosexual rights?xxx
Gerson [a traditional conservative] points out that "Ruling out magic in children's literature would, of course, completely depopulate Narnia and Middle Earth, leaving just silent forest." and "Magic is usually the way that children are introduced to the idea of transcendence."
xxx
Interestingly, the Narnia series, which includes a God/Christ-like lion isn't condemned by the neo-conservatives who seem to take the magic in those books in stride:
The children arrive through a magical wardrobe.
They converse with badgers, rabbits, etc.
They even fight a war with evil characters who seem to come from an area that resembles the Middle East of this world and worship a God who resembles Mohammed -- in a book written a generation before Islam- bashing became fashionable.
xxx
The 'Secret' alluded to in the title of the article, though is one we would all do well to emulate: it's Love.
And it includes acceptance of beings who are different from the reader, or of Harry himself, such as half-bloods, werewolves, giants, house elves, goblins and so on.
Loving those who are different from us? What a heretical message to teach our children! --according to the far-right-Christians.
Never-mind what Joshua bar Joseph taught.
Click here for the complete text [of the article--not the Deathly Hallows :)]
01 November, 2007
Ya Gotta Love Borowitz! :)
Trick Question About 9/12 Stumps Giuliani
Rudy Sputters at Town Hall Meeting
GOP presidential frontrunner Rudolph Giuliani stumbled badly at a town hall meeting in Iowa last night when an audience member baffled him with a trick question about 9/12.
Mr. Giuliani, who has made references to 9/11 the foundation of his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, was “like a deer in the headlights” when the surprise question about 9/12 came his way, observers said.
The former New York mayor had been cruising through the town hall meeting up to that point, answering a wide range of questions about immigration, the economy, and global warming, all by referring to 9/11.
But the tone of the event changed abruptly when one audience member, Tracy Klujian of Cedar Rapids, asked the GOP frontrunner, “Can you name one thing that happened on September 12?”
Mr. Giuliani seemed taken aback by the question, clearing his throat and drinking from a glass of water as if to buy time before responding.
“That’s a good question,” Mr. Giuliani said. “September 12 happened one day after September 11 -- and we must never forget the lessons of September 11.”
Mr. Giuliani’s aides later said that their candidate had expertly parried a difficult question, but also offered excuses for Mr. Giuliani’s apparent failure to refer to any other date besides September 11.
“The man has a lot of dates to keep track of,” one aide told reporters. “For one thing, he’s had three different wedding anniversaries.”
^^^
Elsewhere, President Bush eulogized Washoe, the chimp who had a 250-word vocabulary, issuing this official statement: “Me miss Washoe. Me sad Washoe dead.”
Rudy Sputters at Town Hall Meeting
GOP presidential frontrunner Rudolph Giuliani stumbled badly at a town hall meeting in Iowa last night when an audience member baffled him with a trick question about 9/12.
Mr. Giuliani, who has made references to 9/11 the foundation of his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, was “like a deer in the headlights” when the surprise question about 9/12 came his way, observers said.
The former New York mayor had been cruising through the town hall meeting up to that point, answering a wide range of questions about immigration, the economy, and global warming, all by referring to 9/11.
But the tone of the event changed abruptly when one audience member, Tracy Klujian of Cedar Rapids, asked the GOP frontrunner, “Can you name one thing that happened on September 12?”
Mr. Giuliani seemed taken aback by the question, clearing his throat and drinking from a glass of water as if to buy time before responding.
“That’s a good question,” Mr. Giuliani said. “September 12 happened one day after September 11 -- and we must never forget the lessons of September 11.”
Mr. Giuliani’s aides later said that their candidate had expertly parried a difficult question, but also offered excuses for Mr. Giuliani’s apparent failure to refer to any other date besides September 11.
“The man has a lot of dates to keep track of,” one aide told reporters. “For one thing, he’s had three different wedding anniversaries.”
^^^
Elsewhere, President Bush eulogized Washoe, the chimp who had a 250-word vocabulary, issuing this official statement: “Me miss Washoe. Me sad Washoe dead.”
24 October, 2007
Bush Seeks to Ban Marriage Between Fictitious Gay Characters
Harry Potter Revelation Prompts President’s Move
Just days after “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling revealed that the popular professor character Albus Dumbledore was gay, President George W. Bush told the nation that he would seek a ban on fictitious gay weddings.
In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.
“In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction,” Mr. Bush said. “This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran.”
While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.
And in attacking the Mr. Dumbledore’s right to wed, Mr. Bush may have raised the ire of one of the most militant constituencies in the U.S.: Harry Potter fans.
Jude Ralston, 34, one of over 5,000 Potter devotees who dressed as Dumbledore to protest the president’s speech outside the White House last night, said that Mr. Bush could be playing with fire: “Harry Potter fans take these things very seriously, and we don’t have anything else going on in our lives.”
Just days after “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling revealed that the popular professor character Albus Dumbledore was gay, President George W. Bush told the nation that he would seek a ban on fictitious gay weddings.
In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.
“In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction,” Mr. Bush said. “This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran.”
While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.
And in attacking the Mr. Dumbledore’s right to wed, Mr. Bush may have raised the ire of one of the most militant constituencies in the U.S.: Harry Potter fans.
Jude Ralston, 34, one of over 5,000 Potter devotees who dressed as Dumbledore to protest the president’s speech outside the White House last night, said that Mr. Bush could be playing with fire: “Harry Potter fans take these things very seriously, and we don’t have anything else going on in our lives.”
19 October, 2007
15 October, 2007
The Politics of the Lightbulb :)
HOW MANY REPUBLICANS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid/cost-plus contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the
banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb changing policy all along.
10. Finally, Joe Lieberman to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing the light bulb and screwing the country.
Alexander Fisher
alexanderfisher@alexanderfisher.net
1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid/cost-plus contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the
banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb changing policy all along.
10. Finally, Joe Lieberman to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing the light bulb and screwing the country.
Alexander Fisher
alexanderfisher@alexanderfisher.net
14 October, 2007
It's A Miracle! :)
I bought cookware!
When I heard about the Macy's promo, 'Shop for a Cause', I had been planning to buy some cookware anyhow [WHAT?!? ME?!? 8-O ] --
So I made 2 donations of $5.00 each to the Women's Heart Association [Why they didn't go for breast cancer, seeing as how this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I don't know but -- oh, well] and saved over $31.00 at checkout. and I did it all online! SO cool!
And I bought:
a cookware set that includes:
a 6 qt. stockpot
a 2 qt. saucepan
8" and 10" saute pans
2 detachable handles
2 lids
a canvas bag that stores all this stuff in one stack [given the amount of space in my cabinets that's a Good Thing.]
$59.97 [ On sale before the 20% off 'Shop for a Cause' promo -- original price $100 ]
[I was flabbergasted at the prices -- there were 6 to 8-piece sets that cost $600 and up on the list and one 14 piece set that went for $1,899.99! Do people actually BUY those???
_I_ wouldn't pay $1 to go look at those at the Museum of Amazing Artifacts!]
I paid $47.99 :)
A cutlery set that includes 5 knives, a pair of scissors and a block
original price $100
also on sale for $59.97
and I paid $47.99
2 oven mitts -- $10 each [ I paid $7.99 each]
1 hot pot pad -- $8 [I paid $6.39]
A set of kitchen towels -- $10 [I paid 7.99]
And a partridge in a pear tree
Add taxes and shipping: $161.12
And that includes the warm-fuzzy for the donations.
Now, the question for the universe remains-------
Will I ever, you know, actually COOK with this stuff?
Will keep you posted. :)
When I heard about the Macy's promo, 'Shop for a Cause', I had been planning to buy some cookware anyhow [WHAT?!? ME?!? 8-O ] --
So I made 2 donations of $5.00 each to the Women's Heart Association [Why they didn't go for breast cancer, seeing as how this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I don't know but -- oh, well] and saved over $31.00 at checkout. and I did it all online! SO cool!
And I bought:
a cookware set that includes:
a 6 qt. stockpot
a 2 qt. saucepan
8" and 10" saute pans
2 detachable handles
2 lids
a canvas bag that stores all this stuff in one stack [given the amount of space in my cabinets that's a Good Thing.]
$59.97 [ On sale before the 20% off 'Shop for a Cause' promo -- original price $100 ]
[I was flabbergasted at the prices -- there were 6 to 8-piece sets that cost $600 and up on the list and one 14 piece set that went for $1,899.99! Do people actually BUY those???
_I_ wouldn't pay $1 to go look at those at the Museum of Amazing Artifacts!]
I paid $47.99 :)
A cutlery set that includes 5 knives, a pair of scissors and a block
original price $100
also on sale for $59.97
and I paid $47.99
2 oven mitts -- $10 each [ I paid $7.99 each]
1 hot pot pad -- $8 [I paid $6.39]
A set of kitchen towels -- $10 [I paid 7.99]
And a partridge in a pear tree
Add taxes and shipping: $161.12
And that includes the warm-fuzzy for the donations.
Now, the question for the universe remains-------
Will I ever, you know, actually COOK with this stuff?
Will keep you posted. :)
02 October, 2007
21 September, 2007
Compassion in the Dead Letter Office
I received this apparently true story [see below] through email and wanted to pass it on.
What a caring thing to do for a little girl the giver had not and never would meet.
Our 14-year-old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she
died, my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about
how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to
God so that when Abbey got to Heaven, God would recognize her.
She dictated and I wrote:
Dear God,
Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died
yesterday and is in heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy
that you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick.
I hope that you will play with her. She liked to play with balls
and swim before she got sick.
I am sending some pictures of her so that when you see her in
Heaven you will know she is our special dog. But I really do miss
her.
Love,
Meredith Claire
We put that in an envelope with two pictures of Abbey, and
addressed it to God in Heaven. We put our return address on it.
Then Meredith stuck some stamps on the front (because, as she said,
it may take lots of stamps to get a letter all the way to Heaven),
and that afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the
post office! .
For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I
told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front
porch.
Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the front
and said 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith took it in and opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers, 'When a Pet Dies'. Taped to the
inside front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its
opened envelope. On the opposite page, one of the pictures of
Abbey was taped under the words 'For Meredith'.
We turned to the back cover, and there was the other picture of
Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:
'Dear Meredith,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely and
soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such a
big help. I recognized Abbey right away.
You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with
me--just like she stays in your heart--young and running and
playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know.
Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets,
so I can't keep your beautiful letter. I am sending it to you with
the pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember
Abbey. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the
little book helps.
Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending
it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for
you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you
very much. By the way, I am in heaven, but wherever there is love
I am there also.
Love,
God '
***
this story was verified as 'true' by snopes here:
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/abbey.asp
What a caring thing to do for a little girl the giver had not and never would meet.
Our 14-year-old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she
died, my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about
how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to
God so that when Abbey got to Heaven, God would recognize her.
She dictated and I wrote:
Dear God,
Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died
yesterday and is in heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy
that you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick.
I hope that you will play with her. She liked to play with balls
and swim before she got sick.
I am sending some pictures of her so that when you see her in
Heaven you will know she is our special dog. But I really do miss
her.
Love,
Meredith Claire
We put that in an envelope with two pictures of Abbey, and
addressed it to God in Heaven. We put our return address on it.
Then Meredith stuck some stamps on the front (because, as she said,
it may take lots of stamps to get a letter all the way to Heaven),
and that afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the
post office! .
For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I
told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front
porch.
Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the front
and said 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith took it in and opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers, 'When a Pet Dies'. Taped to the
inside front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its
opened envelope. On the opposite page, one of the pictures of
Abbey was taped under the words 'For Meredith'.
We turned to the back cover, and there was the other picture of
Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:
'Dear Meredith,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely and
soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such a
big help. I recognized Abbey right away.
You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with
me--just like she stays in your heart--young and running and
playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know.
Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets,
so I can't keep your beautiful letter. I am sending it to you with
the pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember
Abbey. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the
little book helps.
Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending
it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for
you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you
very much. By the way, I am in heaven, but wherever there is love
I am there also.
Love,
God '
***
this story was verified as 'true' by snopes here:
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/abbey.asp
16 September, 2007
11 September, 2007
09 September, 2007
A friend emailed me this today. It is too delightful -- so I just had to share.
btw-- Do yourself a favor: Read the text before scrolling down to the pic. :)
xxx
Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.
The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all women execs.
The result? Well, we all know that men never talk, never look at each other, and don't often laugh in the restroom.
The men's room is a serious and quiet place. But now, with the addition of one mural on the wall. . . .lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles---
btw-- Do yourself a favor: Read the text before scrolling down to the pic. :)
xxx
Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.
The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all women execs.
The result? Well, we all know that men never talk, never look at each other, and don't often laugh in the restroom.
The men's room is a serious and quiet place. But now, with the addition of one mural on the wall. . . .lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles---
04 September, 2007
Baffling The Almighty
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on this planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS : It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: A pparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so i t will grow, and, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
St. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis
St. FRANCIS : It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: A pparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so i t will grow, and, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
St. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis
01 September, 2007
30 August, 2007
26 August, 2007
How Love Works
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once told of a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"
24 August, 2007
18 August, 2007
16 August, 2007
Stuff I've Learned from Six-Year-Olds
A ceiling fan + dog leash combination is not strong enough to allow a 6-year-old boy in Batman underwear and a Superman cape to fly.
A ceiling fan + dog leash + open paint can combination is, however, strong enough to thoroughly speckle a 12 x 12 foot room.
A ceiling fan is capable of acting as a baseball bat.
It will take several tries before the ceiling fan makes contact with the ball.
Window glass does not have enough tensile strength to stop a baseball propelled by a ceiling fan.
The water in a king-sized waterbed will fill a 2000 square foot house to the depth of approximately 2 1/3 inches.
The clothes drier does not make earthworms dizzy.
The clothes drier does make cats dizzy.
Cats vomit approximately their own body weight when dizzy.
Melted crayons do not make a good substitute for paint.
Paint brushes don't work very well on cars.
You shouldn't believe your father when he says he wishes the car was a different color.
xxx
Disclaimer:
No earthworms, cats or 6-year-olds were harmed during the researching or development of this post.
A few windows, some carpet and one car were damaged but, hey, it's called 'research' for a reason.
A ceiling fan + dog leash + open paint can combination is, however, strong enough to thoroughly speckle a 12 x 12 foot room.
A ceiling fan is capable of acting as a baseball bat.
It will take several tries before the ceiling fan makes contact with the ball.
Window glass does not have enough tensile strength to stop a baseball propelled by a ceiling fan.
The water in a king-sized waterbed will fill a 2000 square foot house to the depth of approximately 2 1/3 inches.
The clothes drier does not make earthworms dizzy.
The clothes drier does make cats dizzy.
Cats vomit approximately their own body weight when dizzy.
Melted crayons do not make a good substitute for paint.
Paint brushes don't work very well on cars.
You shouldn't believe your father when he says he wishes the car was a different color.
xxx
Disclaimer:
No earthworms, cats or 6-year-olds were harmed during the researching or development of this post.
A few windows, some carpet and one car were damaged but, hey, it's called 'research' for a reason.
13 August, 2007
Walking Away From the Keyboard Shaking My Head in Amazement
Heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! [a news quiz show on NPR]
All true stories-- honest to God-- you can't make this stuff up:
1] A man traveled by airplane from Miami [I think it was] to N. Carolina [I think] before any airport personnel tumbled to the fact that he had a marmoset on his head. Well, actually, the personnel never did figure it out. The passengers let the staff know that something was amiss.
According to Wait, Wait. . . the marmoset was quite well behaved, sitting in the man's lap, eating the airline peanuts and ordering useless stuff out of the on-board magazine.
2] An 8 foot tall, smiling leggo man washed up on a beach in Denmark last week. It must have escaped from a kindergarten class and gone for a swim???
3] The Chinese government has issued a new edict: Buddhist monks are now required to file an affidavit in order to be allowed to [get this] reincarnate.
It seems that, since the higher ranking monks all claim to be incarnations of previous people who were, likewise, in the hierarchical stratosphere, the government wants a piece of this action. They want to be able to dictate who will come back and when so they can control the Buddhist religion.
and
4] A woman, arrested for drunk driving, was wearing a T-shirt which sported the statement, 'I'M A DRUNK-- NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS'
As I say-- you can't make this stuff up!
All true stories-- honest to God-- you can't make this stuff up:
1] A man traveled by airplane from Miami [I think it was] to N. Carolina [I think] before any airport personnel tumbled to the fact that he had a marmoset on his head. Well, actually, the personnel never did figure it out. The passengers let the staff know that something was amiss.
According to Wait, Wait. . . the marmoset was quite well behaved, sitting in the man's lap, eating the airline peanuts and ordering useless stuff out of the on-board magazine.
2] An 8 foot tall, smiling leggo man washed up on a beach in Denmark last week. It must have escaped from a kindergarten class and gone for a swim???
3] The Chinese government has issued a new edict: Buddhist monks are now required to file an affidavit in order to be allowed to [get this] reincarnate.
It seems that, since the higher ranking monks all claim to be incarnations of previous people who were, likewise, in the hierarchical stratosphere, the government wants a piece of this action. They want to be able to dictate who will come back and when so they can control the Buddhist religion.
and
4] A woman, arrested for drunk driving, was wearing a T-shirt which sported the statement, 'I'M A DRUNK-- NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS'
As I say-- you can't make this stuff up!
11 August, 2007
On Confusion
When I was in psych training, this was posted over the door of one of my teachers [there were several over the years].
I guess I was, all unknowingly, also in training for my later career as a blogger. I shamelessly stole it and placed it in a prominent position in my office where it resided for years.
Hey! If we can't laugh at ourselves, all really IS lost-- :)
xxx
We have not succeeded in answering all of your problems. In fact, the answers we have put forth have only succeeded in producing new questions. However, we believe we are now confused at a higher level and about more important things.
--anonymous
I guess I was, all unknowingly, also in training for my later career as a blogger. I shamelessly stole it and placed it in a prominent position in my office where it resided for years.
Hey! If we can't laugh at ourselves, all really IS lost-- :)
xxx
We have not succeeded in answering all of your problems. In fact, the answers we have put forth have only succeeded in producing new questions. However, we believe we are now confused at a higher level and about more important things.
--anonymous
09 August, 2007
Australian Humor
This is making the email rounds again. In case you haven't seen it, enjoy!
Whether the claim that the questions were actually sent to the tourism website and answered there is true or not -- I don't know -- but, given what's going on these days, it's certainly within the realm of possibility. :)
xxx
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Whether the claim that the questions were actually sent to the tourism website and answered there is true or not -- I don't know -- but, given what's going on these days, it's certainly within the realm of possibility. :)
xxx
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
06 August, 2007
Sensory Deprivation
Strange, the thoughts that pop into my head when I'm wallpapering and have no music or other sound going on in the house:
Out of nowhere, I had a thought: ''Joseph [of technicolor dreamcoat fame] must have been a sagittarius. We're famous for the open-mouth-insert- foot-chew-well-and-swallow technique. If he'd just kept his mouth shut instead of bragging about all those dreams of his brothers bowing down before him, the entire history of the Jews might have been a different story altogether."
I need to get out more.
Out of nowhere, I had a thought: ''Joseph [of technicolor dreamcoat fame] must have been a sagittarius. We're famous for the open-mouth-insert- foot-chew-well-and-swallow technique. If he'd just kept his mouth shut instead of bragging about all those dreams of his brothers bowing down before him, the entire history of the Jews might have been a different story altogether."
I need to get out more.
05 August, 2007
I'm back! :)
Over the next few weeks, wallpapering permitting, I'm going to revive this blog.
I plan to make it a free-romp, just-for-fun kind of site. My recess from the scary stuff I see going on around me.
So, I'll be cleaning out the political stuff that's still here and posting light hearted pieces, funny stuff I come across, etc.
I'll be mentioning it to friends I've made on other blogs and inviting folks over for chai latte and bagels.
And, I may [probably will] invite some folks to be co-authors if they've a mind to. If you're interested in co-authoring, btw--don't be shy. Just ask.
As much as possible, I'd like to leave our cares at the thresh hold. If we want angst, we can nip over to Preserve, Protect and Defend or someplace for that.
So, c'mon in -- set a spell -- chew the fat. :)
I plan to make it a free-romp, just-for-fun kind of site. My recess from the scary stuff I see going on around me.
So, I'll be cleaning out the political stuff that's still here and posting light hearted pieces, funny stuff I come across, etc.
I'll be mentioning it to friends I've made on other blogs and inviting folks over for chai latte and bagels.
And, I may [probably will] invite some folks to be co-authors if they've a mind to. If you're interested in co-authoring, btw--don't be shy. Just ask.
As much as possible, I'd like to leave our cares at the thresh hold. If we want angst, we can nip over to Preserve, Protect and Defend or someplace for that.
So, c'mon in -- set a spell -- chew the fat. :)
05 April, 2007
I received a comment on my article about freecycling from Polishifter. He said he participates in recycling computer components. That got me thinking: I had patronized a store in KC that had such a program but hadn't yet looked into what's available in Clearwater. So, I looked.
I found two.
One, Cartridge World at http://www.cartridgeworldtampa.com/ specializes in cartridge refilling and included this info on its website:
• It takes about a gallon of oil to make a new laser cartridge.
• Almost 8 cartridges are thrown away per second in the United States alone!
• In North America alone, over 350 million cartridges per year are discarded in our landfills, and that number increases by 12 percent annually!'
The other breaks down computers and their components for the salvageable parts and sells them for reuse. With the ever-accelerating pace of technology, we can't afford to just junk our IT. A sensible alternative is this recycling.
I found two.
One, Cartridge World at http://www.cartridgeworldtampa.com/ specializes in cartridge refilling and included this info on its website:
• It takes about a gallon of oil to make a new laser cartridge.
• Almost 8 cartridges are thrown away per second in the United States alone!
• In North America alone, over 350 million cartridges per year are discarded in our landfills, and that number increases by 12 percent annually!'
The other breaks down computers and their components for the salvageable parts and sells them for reuse. With the ever-accelerating pace of technology, we can't afford to just junk our IT. A sensible alternative is this recycling.
07 February, 2007
Movin Out! :)
signed the final papers today!
but, still--
periodically, I ask myself why I'm going through this agony.
this AM I got a reminder:
I rolled out of bed and phoned the weather. the temp was 2. with the wind, it felt like -15.
I put on my warmest clothes, including my mukluks and parka. walked myself very gingerly over the ice to the truck.
out in the wind, even my hollow-fill coat let some of the wind in--and my face and hands felt like they were being cut with knives.
I drove from 46th st to 135th st on roads that are dry in the middle but are treacherous along the edges. the drive took about an hour. the signing of all the papers took about 20 minutes.
got back in the truck and drove another hour along roads that look deceptively safe.
oh, yeah, THAT'S why I'm doing this.
I remember now.
but, still--
periodically, I ask myself why I'm going through this agony.
this AM I got a reminder:
I rolled out of bed and phoned the weather. the temp was 2. with the wind, it felt like -15.
I put on my warmest clothes, including my mukluks and parka. walked myself very gingerly over the ice to the truck.
out in the wind, even my hollow-fill coat let some of the wind in--and my face and hands felt like they were being cut with knives.
I drove from 46th st to 135th st on roads that are dry in the middle but are treacherous along the edges. the drive took about an hour. the signing of all the papers took about 20 minutes.
got back in the truck and drove another hour along roads that look deceptively safe.
oh, yeah, THAT'S why I'm doing this.
I remember now.
23 November, 2006
Doing Well by Doing Good
Let’s all do the earth a favor this holiday season: let’s shop at Macy’s.No, I don’t own stock in Macy’s.
I recently heard a news article on the radio. Macy’s has joined an increasing number of companies that is growing a conscience. They are to be commended—and encouraged.
Macy’s is buying baskets. Not just any baskets. These are baskets woven by poor women from renewable materials local to where they live—in Rwanda. The women are being compensated fairly for their work. The money is going directly to them and their communities. There aren’t a lot of middlemen between the artisans and the ultimate buyer [Macy’s] that reap all the profits leaving nothing for the people who are doing the actual work.
The idea is to help people pull themselves out of poverty by buying their products and selling them in the U.S. And the American people, who are becoming increasingly aware that there is a big world out there where most of the people live in conditions we can’t even imagine, want to buy the products they have to sell—if someone will bring them to us. So, Macy’s is doing it.
It’s like recycling.
A few years ago, recycled products cost more to buy than virgin products did. But, we had to BUY the products for recycling to work. If we hadn’t actually bought the recycled products the whole project would have died aborning.
Here’s the next step, folks.
Go to Macy’s this season.
Tell corporate America: ‘You do good—and your profit margins will do well.’
Then, next year, more companies will do the same—
Together, we just might turn this poor old planet and the people on it around.
[You can go here to find them. Such a simple way to be part of the solution.]
15 November, 2006
Where to Find Me
OK, I've gotten bitten by bot-spam TWICE and am getting out of Dodge. Let the spammers have this one -- and see how much fun it is to spam when there's no audience for em.
So, I created a new one here. Or, you can click on my profiles page and click on 'Preserve, Protect and Defend'.
Either way, I hope to see you there.
Hey! You don't expect me to just let the spammers win, do you?
:)
two crows
So, I created a new one here. Or, you can click on my profiles page and click on 'Preserve, Protect and Defend'.
Either way, I hope to see you there.
Hey! You don't expect me to just let the spammers win, do you?
:)
two crows
22 July, 2006
Please Stop With The Spam
Although my blog has been online for a few months now, I am still relatively naïve in the matter of blogging in general. So, it eludes me why people apparently program bots to spam other people’s blogs.
Therefore,
on the off chance that the person who has spammed my blog a couple of times now is doing so out of naivety, as well, I just wish to state that your spam is unappreciated.
Even if you disagree with what I’m saying [and I welcome thoughtful disagreement at least as much as rubber stamps], the fact is: I do put thought, time, energy and effort into my posts. I very much appreciate and want to encourage comments on the content of the articles in the blog.
Generic comments on ‘graphics’, colors or telling me what a great job I’m doing, though, are uncalled for and unwelcome. One such comment might be a mild ego booster—even if irrelevant. To open my email and discover 358 such comments, however, is simply a major nuisance and absolutely uncalled for.
What have I ever done to you?
So, whoever is spamming the blog please go get your own life and leave mine alone.
On the other hand, if you have real comments on the content of the articles, please do enter them. Those are always welcome.
Therefore,
on the off chance that the person who has spammed my blog a couple of times now is doing so out of naivety, as well, I just wish to state that your spam is unappreciated.
Even if you disagree with what I’m saying [and I welcome thoughtful disagreement at least as much as rubber stamps], the fact is: I do put thought, time, energy and effort into my posts. I very much appreciate and want to encourage comments on the content of the articles in the blog.
Generic comments on ‘graphics’, colors or telling me what a great job I’m doing, though, are uncalled for and unwelcome. One such comment might be a mild ego booster—even if irrelevant. To open my email and discover 358 such comments, however, is simply a major nuisance and absolutely uncalled for.
What have I ever done to you?
So, whoever is spamming the blog please go get your own life and leave mine alone.
On the other hand, if you have real comments on the content of the articles, please do enter them. Those are always welcome.
24 May, 2006
The Real DaVinci Con
Although, generally speaking, any movie directed by Ron Howard and starring Tom Hanks is sure to get me to the theatre ten minutes after it opens, I plan to pass on The DaVinci Code. Not because it is blaphemous—which it isn’t. Not because it is controversial. And, CERTAINLY not because it attacks the Christian church—which it doesn’t. I’m passing because I read the book and it was poorly written. By the time I was about a quarter through it I was waiting to see what stroke of absolute luck was going to get the protagonists out of the latest jam they’d gotten themselves into. I generally enjoy novels that have some sort of nodding acquaintance with reality and, in this case, I just got bored with the fantasy.
The facts that have recently come to light: that Mary Magdalen was not a prostitute; that she was, in fact, a disciple of Joshua Bar Joseph and very likely bankrolled his mission; that the other disciples were jealous of her standing--primarily because she was a woman--etc. are worthy of further study. And this [ I can’t stress this enough] work of fiction does nothing to further thoughtful investigation of those facts.
Meanwhile, it seems everyone wants to cash in on the controversy. Hollywood does, of course. That’s Hollywood’s job. It’s not, so far as I know, the job of religion to do the same—and that, among other things, is what is happening.
Also, the conservative newsletter I’ve been reading lately is pushing a book that is [ostensibly] not a work of fiction. It says it’s ‘unmasking Hollywood’s plot to undermine religion.’ Now, WHY would anyone in Hollywood want to do that? Why would they want to stem the flow of all the lovely money that every movie since silent film that has included a religious theme has generated? Hollywood execs are a lot of things, but I don’t think anyone can claim they’re stupid.
They're also not that powerful. The religions of the world have been around a lot longer than Hollywood has. And they'll be here long after it has fallen into the San Andreas Fault.
So, wait for it folks: we haven’t heard the end of the controversy—not by a long shot. As long as there’s a dime to be made out of all the ballyhooing from the rooftops about this novel, this film, this or that critic’s take on the book and the film, this or that church’s views on the book and the film, etc. etc. ad nauseum, we’ll just keep hearing about it.
The facts that have recently come to light: that Mary Magdalen was not a prostitute; that she was, in fact, a disciple of Joshua Bar Joseph and very likely bankrolled his mission; that the other disciples were jealous of her standing--primarily because she was a woman--etc. are worthy of further study. And this [ I can’t stress this enough] work of fiction does nothing to further thoughtful investigation of those facts.
Meanwhile, it seems everyone wants to cash in on the controversy. Hollywood does, of course. That’s Hollywood’s job. It’s not, so far as I know, the job of religion to do the same—and that, among other things, is what is happening.
Also, the conservative newsletter I’ve been reading lately is pushing a book that is [ostensibly] not a work of fiction. It says it’s ‘unmasking Hollywood’s plot to undermine religion.’ Now, WHY would anyone in Hollywood want to do that? Why would they want to stem the flow of all the lovely money that every movie since silent film that has included a religious theme has generated? Hollywood execs are a lot of things, but I don’t think anyone can claim they’re stupid.
They're also not that powerful. The religions of the world have been around a lot longer than Hollywood has. And they'll be here long after it has fallen into the San Andreas Fault.
So, wait for it folks: we haven’t heard the end of the controversy—not by a long shot. As long as there’s a dime to be made out of all the ballyhooing from the rooftops about this novel, this film, this or that critic’s take on the book and the film, this or that church’s views on the book and the film, etc. etc. ad nauseum, we’ll just keep hearing about it.
23 April, 2006
Burning books
Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings.
[Dort, wo man Bucher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen.]
Heinrich Heine, From his play Almansor [1821]
[Dort, wo man Bucher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen.]
Heinrich Heine, From his play Almansor [1821]
18 April, 2006
First Family Shakeup
[From the Washington Post's Op-ed department]
By Ruth Marcus
Monday, April 17, 2006;
Dear Daughters Jenna and Barbara,
This is a difficult letter for me, your Dad, to write. The two of you have been, your mother and I agree, valuable members of my administration. Yes, there have been a few unfortunate moments -- actually, come to think of it, more than a few: the underage drinking bust; the next underage drinking bust; the sticking-out-the-tongue-at-the-photographers thing; the Valley Girl-style convention speech. Next time, please, girls, run it by Grandma, like she told you to in the first place.
Rambling a bit here. What I'd like to say is that all of us at the White House deeply appreciate your service to your family and your country. It can't have been easy for you, posing for Vogue, getting chauffeured by the Secret Service and all. But, as you know, second terms are a time of transition in any administration. And we think it is the right moment, then, to make a change in First Daughters. Time for some fresh blue blood, you might say.
Please, girls, don't take this personally. Andy didn't, and he's been with the family almost as long. Definitely, we will spin this to the press as your decision entirely. You know, needing a break, this job chews you up, exhausted after five long years of late nights at Smith Point, want a chance to spend more time with your ... never mind, we'll go with the need-a-break part. And no one can take away from your achievements: You have been two of the longest-serving presidential daughter twins in history.
Anyway, the Josh-for-Andy swap didn't play quite as big as we hoped. Now, I'm getting killed with this general-a-day drumbeat on Rummy. So Uncle Don and Uncle Dick came up with this idea of replacing you two.
Naturally, Mommy and I were pretty reluctant, at first. But Uncle Don and Uncle Dick can be awfully persuasive -- especially when Uncle Dick's packing heat.
Your Gammy agrees. "Lose the twins," she said. "My 41 ditched Sununu." And you know there's no arguing with the Silver Fox once she's got her mind made up. She asked me to tell you it's nothing personal -- and for Pete's sake stop showing all that cleavage.
Dick wanted to roll this out the usual way: through Scooter. But Scooter's a little preoccupado, right now, you might say. We thought about leaking it to Woodward, but he'd probably just save it for the next book. So we're thinking Dr. Phil. Great female demographic.
You're probably wondering about the replacement. Grandpa had an idea about that. You know how he's been spending so much time hanging out with Bill Clinton lately that I've started calling him "my new brother"? Well, that got grandpa to thinking.
You probably know where this is heading, so I won't dwell too long on the topic of our new First Daughter.
Chelsea has graciously agreed to start on Friday.
Thanks again, girls, for all you've done. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you start this new, exciting chapter of your lives. Please be sure to stay in touch.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush --- Dad
P.S. We want you to know it was a hard call whether to lose you or Karl. He really agonized over it.
By Ruth Marcus
Monday, April 17, 2006;
Dear Daughters Jenna and Barbara,
This is a difficult letter for me, your Dad, to write. The two of you have been, your mother and I agree, valuable members of my administration. Yes, there have been a few unfortunate moments -- actually, come to think of it, more than a few: the underage drinking bust; the next underage drinking bust; the sticking-out-the-tongue-at-the-photographers thing; the Valley Girl-style convention speech. Next time, please, girls, run it by Grandma, like she told you to in the first place.
Rambling a bit here. What I'd like to say is that all of us at the White House deeply appreciate your service to your family and your country. It can't have been easy for you, posing for Vogue, getting chauffeured by the Secret Service and all. But, as you know, second terms are a time of transition in any administration. And we think it is the right moment, then, to make a change in First Daughters. Time for some fresh blue blood, you might say.
Please, girls, don't take this personally. Andy didn't, and he's been with the family almost as long. Definitely, we will spin this to the press as your decision entirely. You know, needing a break, this job chews you up, exhausted after five long years of late nights at Smith Point, want a chance to spend more time with your ... never mind, we'll go with the need-a-break part. And no one can take away from your achievements: You have been two of the longest-serving presidential daughter twins in history.
Anyway, the Josh-for-Andy swap didn't play quite as big as we hoped. Now, I'm getting killed with this general-a-day drumbeat on Rummy. So Uncle Don and Uncle Dick came up with this idea of replacing you two.
Naturally, Mommy and I were pretty reluctant, at first. But Uncle Don and Uncle Dick can be awfully persuasive -- especially when Uncle Dick's packing heat.
Your Gammy agrees. "Lose the twins," she said. "My 41 ditched Sununu." And you know there's no arguing with the Silver Fox once she's got her mind made up. She asked me to tell you it's nothing personal -- and for Pete's sake stop showing all that cleavage.
Dick wanted to roll this out the usual way: through Scooter. But Scooter's a little preoccupado, right now, you might say. We thought about leaking it to Woodward, but he'd probably just save it for the next book. So we're thinking Dr. Phil. Great female demographic.
You're probably wondering about the replacement. Grandpa had an idea about that. You know how he's been spending so much time hanging out with Bill Clinton lately that I've started calling him "my new brother"? Well, that got grandpa to thinking.
You probably know where this is heading, so I won't dwell too long on the topic of our new First Daughter.
Chelsea has graciously agreed to start on Friday.
Thanks again, girls, for all you've done. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you start this new, exciting chapter of your lives. Please be sure to stay in touch.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush --- Dad
P.S. We want you to know it was a hard call whether to lose you or Karl. He really agonized over it.
07 February, 2006
Churchill Called It
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill
26 January, 2006
25 January, 2006
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