This from the Borowitz Report-- :)
^^^
Sudden Appearance of Major Organ Confounds Experts
In a stunning development that has confounded medical experts around the world, doctors examining Vice President Dick Cheney said today that they have detected signs of a heart.
The vice president was rushed to the hospital over the weekend after complaining of chest pains, but no one in Mr. Cheney’s inner circle suspected that a human heart was the cause.
“We had been operating under the assumption that he didn’t have one,” said chief of staff David Addington, who said that Mr. Cheney also has not had a soul since 1995, when it was purchased by the Halliburton Company.
At George Washington University Hospital, doctors struggled to contain their excitement about what appeared to be the medical anomaly of the century: the sudden appearance of a human heart in a 66-year-old man.
“It is too early to say conclusively,” said Dr. Carol Foyler, head of the team of doctors who examined the vice president. “But so far the beating and pumping sounds we are hearing in the vice president’s chest cavity are very much consistent with his having a heart.”
Dr. Foyler stressed that if the sounds emanating from Mr. Cheney’s chest are those of a human heart, “This will contradict everything we thought we knew about Dick Cheney.”
At the White House, spokesperson Dana Perino said that the sudden appearance of a heart in Dick Cheney’s chest had motivated President Bush to schedule an MRI of his head.
Elsewhere, Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) said that writing his memoirs would be “challenging,” adding, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”
29 November, 2007
14 November, 2007
Harry Potter's Secret
Hint: It Has Nothing to Do With Gay Headmasters
By Michael Gerson
There is something inherently odd about considering the sex lives of fictional characters in children's books. Just how hearty were the Hardy boys? And we will not even speculate about Heidi's reclusive grandfather.
xxx
Gerson [a traditional conservative] points out that "Ruling out magic in children's literature would, of course, completely depopulate Narnia and Middle Earth, leaving just silent forest." and "Magic is usually the way that children are introduced to the idea of transcendence."
xxx
Interestingly, the Narnia series, which includes a God/Christ-like lion isn't condemned by the neo-conservatives who seem to take the magic in those books in stride:
The children arrive through a magical wardrobe.
They converse with badgers, rabbits, etc.
They even fight a war with evil characters who seem to come from an area that resembles the Middle East of this world and worship a God who resembles Mohammed -- in a book written a generation before Islam- bashing became fashionable.
xxx
The 'Secret' alluded to in the title of the article, though is one we would all do well to emulate: it's Love.
And it includes acceptance of beings who are different from the reader, or of Harry himself, such as half-bloods, werewolves, giants, house elves, goblins and so on.
Loving those who are different from us? What a heretical message to teach our children! --according to the far-right-Christians.
Never-mind what Joshua bar Joseph taught.
Click here for the complete text [of the article--not the Deathly Hallows :)]
By Michael Gerson
There is something inherently odd about considering the sex lives of fictional characters in children's books. Just how hearty were the Hardy boys? And we will not even speculate about Heidi's reclusive grandfather.
But J.K. Rowling has forced such considerations upon us with her announcement that Albus Dumbledore, the beloved headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is gay. The news, delivered by the author after a Carnegie Hall reading, was received with gasps in the audience and around the world.
The Dumbledore revelation was taken by many Christian conservatives as additional confirmation that Rowling is a corrupter of youth. What could be more subversive than the combination of witchcraft and homosexual rights?xxx
Gerson [a traditional conservative] points out that "Ruling out magic in children's literature would, of course, completely depopulate Narnia and Middle Earth, leaving just silent forest." and "Magic is usually the way that children are introduced to the idea of transcendence."
xxx
Interestingly, the Narnia series, which includes a God/Christ-like lion isn't condemned by the neo-conservatives who seem to take the magic in those books in stride:
The children arrive through a magical wardrobe.
They converse with badgers, rabbits, etc.
They even fight a war with evil characters who seem to come from an area that resembles the Middle East of this world and worship a God who resembles Mohammed -- in a book written a generation before Islam- bashing became fashionable.
xxx
The 'Secret' alluded to in the title of the article, though is one we would all do well to emulate: it's Love.
And it includes acceptance of beings who are different from the reader, or of Harry himself, such as half-bloods, werewolves, giants, house elves, goblins and so on.
Loving those who are different from us? What a heretical message to teach our children! --according to the far-right-Christians.
Never-mind what Joshua bar Joseph taught.
Click here for the complete text [of the article--not the Deathly Hallows :)]
01 November, 2007
Ya Gotta Love Borowitz! :)
Trick Question About 9/12 Stumps Giuliani
Rudy Sputters at Town Hall Meeting
GOP presidential frontrunner Rudolph Giuliani stumbled badly at a town hall meeting in Iowa last night when an audience member baffled him with a trick question about 9/12.
Mr. Giuliani, who has made references to 9/11 the foundation of his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, was “like a deer in the headlights” when the surprise question about 9/12 came his way, observers said.
The former New York mayor had been cruising through the town hall meeting up to that point, answering a wide range of questions about immigration, the economy, and global warming, all by referring to 9/11.
But the tone of the event changed abruptly when one audience member, Tracy Klujian of Cedar Rapids, asked the GOP frontrunner, “Can you name one thing that happened on September 12?”
Mr. Giuliani seemed taken aback by the question, clearing his throat and drinking from a glass of water as if to buy time before responding.
“That’s a good question,” Mr. Giuliani said. “September 12 happened one day after September 11 -- and we must never forget the lessons of September 11.”
Mr. Giuliani’s aides later said that their candidate had expertly parried a difficult question, but also offered excuses for Mr. Giuliani’s apparent failure to refer to any other date besides September 11.
“The man has a lot of dates to keep track of,” one aide told reporters. “For one thing, he’s had three different wedding anniversaries.”
^^^
Elsewhere, President Bush eulogized Washoe, the chimp who had a 250-word vocabulary, issuing this official statement: “Me miss Washoe. Me sad Washoe dead.”
Rudy Sputters at Town Hall Meeting
GOP presidential frontrunner Rudolph Giuliani stumbled badly at a town hall meeting in Iowa last night when an audience member baffled him with a trick question about 9/12.
Mr. Giuliani, who has made references to 9/11 the foundation of his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, was “like a deer in the headlights” when the surprise question about 9/12 came his way, observers said.
The former New York mayor had been cruising through the town hall meeting up to that point, answering a wide range of questions about immigration, the economy, and global warming, all by referring to 9/11.
But the tone of the event changed abruptly when one audience member, Tracy Klujian of Cedar Rapids, asked the GOP frontrunner, “Can you name one thing that happened on September 12?”
Mr. Giuliani seemed taken aback by the question, clearing his throat and drinking from a glass of water as if to buy time before responding.
“That’s a good question,” Mr. Giuliani said. “September 12 happened one day after September 11 -- and we must never forget the lessons of September 11.”
Mr. Giuliani’s aides later said that their candidate had expertly parried a difficult question, but also offered excuses for Mr. Giuliani’s apparent failure to refer to any other date besides September 11.
“The man has a lot of dates to keep track of,” one aide told reporters. “For one thing, he’s had three different wedding anniversaries.”
^^^
Elsewhere, President Bush eulogized Washoe, the chimp who had a 250-word vocabulary, issuing this official statement: “Me miss Washoe. Me sad Washoe dead.”
24 October, 2007
Bush Seeks to Ban Marriage Between Fictitious Gay Characters
Harry Potter Revelation Prompts President’s Move
Just days after “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling revealed that the popular professor character Albus Dumbledore was gay, President George W. Bush told the nation that he would seek a ban on fictitious gay weddings.
In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.
“In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction,” Mr. Bush said. “This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran.”
While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.
And in attacking the Mr. Dumbledore’s right to wed, Mr. Bush may have raised the ire of one of the most militant constituencies in the U.S.: Harry Potter fans.
Jude Ralston, 34, one of over 5,000 Potter devotees who dressed as Dumbledore to protest the president’s speech outside the White House last night, said that Mr. Bush could be playing with fire: “Harry Potter fans take these things very seriously, and we don’t have anything else going on in our lives.”
Just days after “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling revealed that the popular professor character Albus Dumbledore was gay, President George W. Bush told the nation that he would seek a ban on fictitious gay weddings.
In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.
“In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction,” Mr. Bush said. “This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran.”
While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.
And in attacking the Mr. Dumbledore’s right to wed, Mr. Bush may have raised the ire of one of the most militant constituencies in the U.S.: Harry Potter fans.
Jude Ralston, 34, one of over 5,000 Potter devotees who dressed as Dumbledore to protest the president’s speech outside the White House last night, said that Mr. Bush could be playing with fire: “Harry Potter fans take these things very seriously, and we don’t have anything else going on in our lives.”
19 October, 2007
15 October, 2007
The Politics of the Lightbulb :)
HOW MANY REPUBLICANS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid/cost-plus contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the
banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb changing policy all along.
10. Finally, Joe Lieberman to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing the light bulb and screwing the country.
Alexander Fisher
alexanderfisher@alexanderfisher.net
1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid/cost-plus contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the
banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.
8. One to viciously smear #7.
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb changing policy all along.
10. Finally, Joe Lieberman to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing the light bulb and screwing the country.
Alexander Fisher
alexanderfisher@alexanderfisher.net
14 October, 2007
It's A Miracle! :)
I bought cookware!
When I heard about the Macy's promo, 'Shop for a Cause', I had been planning to buy some cookware anyhow [WHAT?!? ME?!? 8-O ] --
So I made 2 donations of $5.00 each to the Women's Heart Association [Why they didn't go for breast cancer, seeing as how this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I don't know but -- oh, well] and saved over $31.00 at checkout. and I did it all online! SO cool!
And I bought:
a cookware set that includes:
a 6 qt. stockpot
a 2 qt. saucepan
8" and 10" saute pans
2 detachable handles
2 lids
a canvas bag that stores all this stuff in one stack [given the amount of space in my cabinets that's a Good Thing.]
$59.97 [ On sale before the 20% off 'Shop for a Cause' promo -- original price $100 ]
[I was flabbergasted at the prices -- there were 6 to 8-piece sets that cost $600 and up on the list and one 14 piece set that went for $1,899.99! Do people actually BUY those???
_I_ wouldn't pay $1 to go look at those at the Museum of Amazing Artifacts!]
I paid $47.99 :)
A cutlery set that includes 5 knives, a pair of scissors and a block
original price $100
also on sale for $59.97
and I paid $47.99
2 oven mitts -- $10 each [ I paid $7.99 each]
1 hot pot pad -- $8 [I paid $6.39]
A set of kitchen towels -- $10 [I paid 7.99]
And a partridge in a pear tree
Add taxes and shipping: $161.12
And that includes the warm-fuzzy for the donations.
Now, the question for the universe remains-------
Will I ever, you know, actually COOK with this stuff?
Will keep you posted. :)
When I heard about the Macy's promo, 'Shop for a Cause', I had been planning to buy some cookware anyhow [WHAT?!? ME?!? 8-O ] --
So I made 2 donations of $5.00 each to the Women's Heart Association [Why they didn't go for breast cancer, seeing as how this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I don't know but -- oh, well] and saved over $31.00 at checkout. and I did it all online! SO cool!
And I bought:
a cookware set that includes:
a 6 qt. stockpot
a 2 qt. saucepan
8" and 10" saute pans
2 detachable handles
2 lids
a canvas bag that stores all this stuff in one stack [given the amount of space in my cabinets that's a Good Thing.]
$59.97 [ On sale before the 20% off 'Shop for a Cause' promo -- original price $100 ]
[I was flabbergasted at the prices -- there were 6 to 8-piece sets that cost $600 and up on the list and one 14 piece set that went for $1,899.99! Do people actually BUY those???
_I_ wouldn't pay $1 to go look at those at the Museum of Amazing Artifacts!]
I paid $47.99 :)
A cutlery set that includes 5 knives, a pair of scissors and a block
original price $100
also on sale for $59.97
and I paid $47.99
2 oven mitts -- $10 each [ I paid $7.99 each]
1 hot pot pad -- $8 [I paid $6.39]
A set of kitchen towels -- $10 [I paid 7.99]
And a partridge in a pear tree
Add taxes and shipping: $161.12
And that includes the warm-fuzzy for the donations.
Now, the question for the universe remains-------
Will I ever, you know, actually COOK with this stuff?
Will keep you posted. :)
02 October, 2007
21 September, 2007
Compassion in the Dead Letter Office
I received this apparently true story [see below] through email and wanted to pass it on.
What a caring thing to do for a little girl the giver had not and never would meet.
Our 14-year-old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she
died, my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about
how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to
God so that when Abbey got to Heaven, God would recognize her.
She dictated and I wrote:
Dear God,
Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died
yesterday and is in heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy
that you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick.
I hope that you will play with her. She liked to play with balls
and swim before she got sick.
I am sending some pictures of her so that when you see her in
Heaven you will know she is our special dog. But I really do miss
her.
Love,
Meredith Claire
We put that in an envelope with two pictures of Abbey, and
addressed it to God in Heaven. We put our return address on it.
Then Meredith stuck some stamps on the front (because, as she said,
it may take lots of stamps to get a letter all the way to Heaven),
and that afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the
post office! .
For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I
told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front
porch.
Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the front
and said 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith took it in and opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers, 'When a Pet Dies'. Taped to the
inside front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its
opened envelope. On the opposite page, one of the pictures of
Abbey was taped under the words 'For Meredith'.
We turned to the back cover, and there was the other picture of
Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:
'Dear Meredith,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely and
soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such a
big help. I recognized Abbey right away.
You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with
me--just like she stays in your heart--young and running and
playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know.
Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets,
so I can't keep your beautiful letter. I am sending it to you with
the pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember
Abbey. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the
little book helps.
Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending
it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for
you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you
very much. By the way, I am in heaven, but wherever there is love
I am there also.
Love,
God '
***
this story was verified as 'true' by snopes here:
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/abbey.asp
What a caring thing to do for a little girl the giver had not and never would meet.
Our 14-year-old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she
died, my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about
how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to
God so that when Abbey got to Heaven, God would recognize her.
She dictated and I wrote:
Dear God,
Will you please take special care of our dog, Abbey? She died
yesterday and is in heaven. We miss her very much. We are happy
that you let us have her as our dog even though she got sick.
I hope that you will play with her. She liked to play with balls
and swim before she got sick.
I am sending some pictures of her so that when you see her in
Heaven you will know she is our special dog. But I really do miss
her.
Love,
Meredith Claire
We put that in an envelope with two pictures of Abbey, and
addressed it to God in Heaven. We put our return address on it.
Then Meredith stuck some stamps on the front (because, as she said,
it may take lots of stamps to get a letter all the way to Heaven),
and that afternoon I let her drop it into the letter box at the
post office! .
For a few days, she would ask if God had gotten the letter yet. I
told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front
porch.
Curious, I went to look at it. It had a gold star card on the front
and said 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith took it in and opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers, 'When a Pet Dies'. Taped to the
inside front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its
opened envelope. On the opposite page, one of the pictures of
Abbey was taped under the words 'For Meredith'.
We turned to the back cover, and there was the other picture of
Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:
'Dear Meredith,
I know that you will be happy to know that Abbey arrived safely and
soundly in Heaven! Having the pictures you sent to me was such a
big help. I recognized Abbey right away.
You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with
me--just like she stays in your heart--young and running and
playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know.
Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets,
so I can't keep your beautiful letter. I am sending it to you with
the pictures so that you will have this book to keep and remember
Abbey. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope the
little book helps.
Thank you for the beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending
it. What a wonderful mother you have! I picked her especially for
you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you
very much. By the way, I am in heaven, but wherever there is love
I am there also.
Love,
God '
***
this story was verified as 'true' by snopes here:
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/abbey.asp
16 September, 2007
11 September, 2007
09 September, 2007
A friend emailed me this today. It is too delightful -- so I just had to share.
btw-- Do yourself a favor: Read the text before scrolling down to the pic. :)
xxx
Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.
The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all women execs.
The result? Well, we all know that men never talk, never look at each other, and don't often laugh in the restroom.
The men's room is a serious and quiet place. But now, with the addition of one mural on the wall. . . .lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles---
btw-- Do yourself a favor: Read the text before scrolling down to the pic. :)
xxx
Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.
The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all women execs.
The result? Well, we all know that men never talk, never look at each other, and don't often laugh in the restroom.
The men's room is a serious and quiet place. But now, with the addition of one mural on the wall. . . .lets just say the men's restroom is a place of laughter and smiles---
04 September, 2007
Baffling The Almighty
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on this planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. FRANCIS : It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: A pparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so i t will grow, and, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
St. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis
St. FRANCIS : It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: A pparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so i t will grow, and, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
St. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about....
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis
01 September, 2007
30 August, 2007
26 August, 2007
How Love Works
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once told of a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"
24 August, 2007
18 August, 2007
16 August, 2007
Stuff I've Learned from Six-Year-Olds
A ceiling fan + dog leash combination is not strong enough to allow a 6-year-old boy in Batman underwear and a Superman cape to fly.
A ceiling fan + dog leash + open paint can combination is, however, strong enough to thoroughly speckle a 12 x 12 foot room.
A ceiling fan is capable of acting as a baseball bat.
It will take several tries before the ceiling fan makes contact with the ball.
Window glass does not have enough tensile strength to stop a baseball propelled by a ceiling fan.
The water in a king-sized waterbed will fill a 2000 square foot house to the depth of approximately 2 1/3 inches.
The clothes drier does not make earthworms dizzy.
The clothes drier does make cats dizzy.
Cats vomit approximately their own body weight when dizzy.
Melted crayons do not make a good substitute for paint.
Paint brushes don't work very well on cars.
You shouldn't believe your father when he says he wishes the car was a different color.
xxx
Disclaimer:
No earthworms, cats or 6-year-olds were harmed during the researching or development of this post.
A few windows, some carpet and one car were damaged but, hey, it's called 'research' for a reason.
A ceiling fan + dog leash + open paint can combination is, however, strong enough to thoroughly speckle a 12 x 12 foot room.
A ceiling fan is capable of acting as a baseball bat.
It will take several tries before the ceiling fan makes contact with the ball.
Window glass does not have enough tensile strength to stop a baseball propelled by a ceiling fan.
The water in a king-sized waterbed will fill a 2000 square foot house to the depth of approximately 2 1/3 inches.
The clothes drier does not make earthworms dizzy.
The clothes drier does make cats dizzy.
Cats vomit approximately their own body weight when dizzy.
Melted crayons do not make a good substitute for paint.
Paint brushes don't work very well on cars.
You shouldn't believe your father when he says he wishes the car was a different color.
xxx
Disclaimer:
No earthworms, cats or 6-year-olds were harmed during the researching or development of this post.
A few windows, some carpet and one car were damaged but, hey, it's called 'research' for a reason.
13 August, 2007
Walking Away From the Keyboard Shaking My Head in Amazement
Heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! [a news quiz show on NPR]
All true stories-- honest to God-- you can't make this stuff up:
1] A man traveled by airplane from Miami [I think it was] to N. Carolina [I think] before any airport personnel tumbled to the fact that he had a marmoset on his head. Well, actually, the personnel never did figure it out. The passengers let the staff know that something was amiss.
According to Wait, Wait. . . the marmoset was quite well behaved, sitting in the man's lap, eating the airline peanuts and ordering useless stuff out of the on-board magazine.
2] An 8 foot tall, smiling leggo man washed up on a beach in Denmark last week. It must have escaped from a kindergarten class and gone for a swim???
3] The Chinese government has issued a new edict: Buddhist monks are now required to file an affidavit in order to be allowed to [get this] reincarnate.
It seems that, since the higher ranking monks all claim to be incarnations of previous people who were, likewise, in the hierarchical stratosphere, the government wants a piece of this action. They want to be able to dictate who will come back and when so they can control the Buddhist religion.
and
4] A woman, arrested for drunk driving, was wearing a T-shirt which sported the statement, 'I'M A DRUNK-- NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS'
As I say-- you can't make this stuff up!
All true stories-- honest to God-- you can't make this stuff up:
1] A man traveled by airplane from Miami [I think it was] to N. Carolina [I think] before any airport personnel tumbled to the fact that he had a marmoset on his head. Well, actually, the personnel never did figure it out. The passengers let the staff know that something was amiss.
According to Wait, Wait. . . the marmoset was quite well behaved, sitting in the man's lap, eating the airline peanuts and ordering useless stuff out of the on-board magazine.
2] An 8 foot tall, smiling leggo man washed up on a beach in Denmark last week. It must have escaped from a kindergarten class and gone for a swim???
3] The Chinese government has issued a new edict: Buddhist monks are now required to file an affidavit in order to be allowed to [get this] reincarnate.
It seems that, since the higher ranking monks all claim to be incarnations of previous people who were, likewise, in the hierarchical stratosphere, the government wants a piece of this action. They want to be able to dictate who will come back and when so they can control the Buddhist religion.
and
4] A woman, arrested for drunk driving, was wearing a T-shirt which sported the statement, 'I'M A DRUNK-- NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS'
As I say-- you can't make this stuff up!
11 August, 2007
On Confusion
When I was in psych training, this was posted over the door of one of my teachers [there were several over the years].
I guess I was, all unknowingly, also in training for my later career as a blogger. I shamelessly stole it and placed it in a prominent position in my office where it resided for years.
Hey! If we can't laugh at ourselves, all really IS lost-- :)
xxx
We have not succeeded in answering all of your problems. In fact, the answers we have put forth have only succeeded in producing new questions. However, we believe we are now confused at a higher level and about more important things.
--anonymous
I guess I was, all unknowingly, also in training for my later career as a blogger. I shamelessly stole it and placed it in a prominent position in my office where it resided for years.
Hey! If we can't laugh at ourselves, all really IS lost-- :)
xxx
We have not succeeded in answering all of your problems. In fact, the answers we have put forth have only succeeded in producing new questions. However, we believe we are now confused at a higher level and about more important things.
--anonymous
09 August, 2007
Australian Humor
This is making the email rounds again. In case you haven't seen it, enjoy!
Whether the claim that the questions were actually sent to the tourism website and answered there is true or not -- I don't know -- but, given what's going on these days, it's certainly within the realm of possibility. :)
xxx
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Whether the claim that the questions were actually sent to the tourism website and answered there is true or not -- I don't know -- but, given what's going on these days, it's certainly within the realm of possibility. :)
xxx
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
06 August, 2007
Sensory Deprivation
Strange, the thoughts that pop into my head when I'm wallpapering and have no music or other sound going on in the house:
Out of nowhere, I had a thought: ''Joseph [of technicolor dreamcoat fame] must have been a sagittarius. We're famous for the open-mouth-insert- foot-chew-well-and-swallow technique. If he'd just kept his mouth shut instead of bragging about all those dreams of his brothers bowing down before him, the entire history of the Jews might have been a different story altogether."
I need to get out more.
Out of nowhere, I had a thought: ''Joseph [of technicolor dreamcoat fame] must have been a sagittarius. We're famous for the open-mouth-insert- foot-chew-well-and-swallow technique. If he'd just kept his mouth shut instead of bragging about all those dreams of his brothers bowing down before him, the entire history of the Jews might have been a different story altogether."
I need to get out more.
05 August, 2007
I'm back! :)
Over the next few weeks, wallpapering permitting, I'm going to revive this blog.
I plan to make it a free-romp, just-for-fun kind of site. My recess from the scary stuff I see going on around me.
So, I'll be cleaning out the political stuff that's still here and posting light hearted pieces, funny stuff I come across, etc.
I'll be mentioning it to friends I've made on other blogs and inviting folks over for chai latte and bagels.
And, I may [probably will] invite some folks to be co-authors if they've a mind to. If you're interested in co-authoring, btw--don't be shy. Just ask.
As much as possible, I'd like to leave our cares at the thresh hold. If we want angst, we can nip over to Preserve, Protect and Defend or someplace for that.
So, c'mon in -- set a spell -- chew the fat. :)
I plan to make it a free-romp, just-for-fun kind of site. My recess from the scary stuff I see going on around me.
So, I'll be cleaning out the political stuff that's still here and posting light hearted pieces, funny stuff I come across, etc.
I'll be mentioning it to friends I've made on other blogs and inviting folks over for chai latte and bagels.
And, I may [probably will] invite some folks to be co-authors if they've a mind to. If you're interested in co-authoring, btw--don't be shy. Just ask.
As much as possible, I'd like to leave our cares at the thresh hold. If we want angst, we can nip over to Preserve, Protect and Defend or someplace for that.
So, c'mon in -- set a spell -- chew the fat. :)
05 April, 2007
I received a comment on my article about freecycling from Polishifter. He said he participates in recycling computer components. That got me thinking: I had patronized a store in KC that had such a program but hadn't yet looked into what's available in Clearwater. So, I looked.
I found two.
One, Cartridge World at http://www.cartridgeworldtampa.com/ specializes in cartridge refilling and included this info on its website:
• It takes about a gallon of oil to make a new laser cartridge.
• Almost 8 cartridges are thrown away per second in the United States alone!
• In North America alone, over 350 million cartridges per year are discarded in our landfills, and that number increases by 12 percent annually!'
The other breaks down computers and their components for the salvageable parts and sells them for reuse. With the ever-accelerating pace of technology, we can't afford to just junk our IT. A sensible alternative is this recycling.
I found two.
One, Cartridge World at http://www.cartridgeworldtampa.com/ specializes in cartridge refilling and included this info on its website:
• It takes about a gallon of oil to make a new laser cartridge.
• Almost 8 cartridges are thrown away per second in the United States alone!
• In North America alone, over 350 million cartridges per year are discarded in our landfills, and that number increases by 12 percent annually!'
The other breaks down computers and their components for the salvageable parts and sells them for reuse. With the ever-accelerating pace of technology, we can't afford to just junk our IT. A sensible alternative is this recycling.
07 February, 2007
Movin Out! :)
signed the final papers today!
but, still--
periodically, I ask myself why I'm going through this agony.
this AM I got a reminder:
I rolled out of bed and phoned the weather. the temp was 2. with the wind, it felt like -15.
I put on my warmest clothes, including my mukluks and parka. walked myself very gingerly over the ice to the truck.
out in the wind, even my hollow-fill coat let some of the wind in--and my face and hands felt like they were being cut with knives.
I drove from 46th st to 135th st on roads that are dry in the middle but are treacherous along the edges. the drive took about an hour. the signing of all the papers took about 20 minutes.
got back in the truck and drove another hour along roads that look deceptively safe.
oh, yeah, THAT'S why I'm doing this.
I remember now.
but, still--
periodically, I ask myself why I'm going through this agony.
this AM I got a reminder:
I rolled out of bed and phoned the weather. the temp was 2. with the wind, it felt like -15.
I put on my warmest clothes, including my mukluks and parka. walked myself very gingerly over the ice to the truck.
out in the wind, even my hollow-fill coat let some of the wind in--and my face and hands felt like they were being cut with knives.
I drove from 46th st to 135th st on roads that are dry in the middle but are treacherous along the edges. the drive took about an hour. the signing of all the papers took about 20 minutes.
got back in the truck and drove another hour along roads that look deceptively safe.
oh, yeah, THAT'S why I'm doing this.
I remember now.
23 November, 2006
Doing Well by Doing Good
Let’s all do the earth a favor this holiday season: let’s shop at Macy’s.No, I don’t own stock in Macy’s.
I recently heard a news article on the radio. Macy’s has joined an increasing number of companies that is growing a conscience. They are to be commended—and encouraged.
Macy’s is buying baskets. Not just any baskets. These are baskets woven by poor women from renewable materials local to where they live—in Rwanda. The women are being compensated fairly for their work. The money is going directly to them and their communities. There aren’t a lot of middlemen between the artisans and the ultimate buyer [Macy’s] that reap all the profits leaving nothing for the people who are doing the actual work.
The idea is to help people pull themselves out of poverty by buying their products and selling them in the U.S. And the American people, who are becoming increasingly aware that there is a big world out there where most of the people live in conditions we can’t even imagine, want to buy the products they have to sell—if someone will bring them to us. So, Macy’s is doing it.
It’s like recycling.
A few years ago, recycled products cost more to buy than virgin products did. But, we had to BUY the products for recycling to work. If we hadn’t actually bought the recycled products the whole project would have died aborning.
Here’s the next step, folks.
Go to Macy’s this season.
Tell corporate America: ‘You do good—and your profit margins will do well.’
Then, next year, more companies will do the same—
Together, we just might turn this poor old planet and the people on it around.
[You can go here to find them. Such a simple way to be part of the solution.]
15 November, 2006
Where to Find Me
OK, I've gotten bitten by bot-spam TWICE and am getting out of Dodge. Let the spammers have this one -- and see how much fun it is to spam when there's no audience for em.
So, I created a new one here. Or, you can click on my profiles page and click on 'Preserve, Protect and Defend'.
Either way, I hope to see you there.
Hey! You don't expect me to just let the spammers win, do you?
:)
two crows
So, I created a new one here. Or, you can click on my profiles page and click on 'Preserve, Protect and Defend'.
Either way, I hope to see you there.
Hey! You don't expect me to just let the spammers win, do you?
:)
two crows
22 July, 2006
Please Stop With The Spam
Although my blog has been online for a few months now, I am still relatively naïve in the matter of blogging in general. So, it eludes me why people apparently program bots to spam other people’s blogs.
Therefore,
on the off chance that the person who has spammed my blog a couple of times now is doing so out of naivety, as well, I just wish to state that your spam is unappreciated.
Even if you disagree with what I’m saying [and I welcome thoughtful disagreement at least as much as rubber stamps], the fact is: I do put thought, time, energy and effort into my posts. I very much appreciate and want to encourage comments on the content of the articles in the blog.
Generic comments on ‘graphics’, colors or telling me what a great job I’m doing, though, are uncalled for and unwelcome. One such comment might be a mild ego booster—even if irrelevant. To open my email and discover 358 such comments, however, is simply a major nuisance and absolutely uncalled for.
What have I ever done to you?
So, whoever is spamming the blog please go get your own life and leave mine alone.
On the other hand, if you have real comments on the content of the articles, please do enter them. Those are always welcome.
Therefore,
on the off chance that the person who has spammed my blog a couple of times now is doing so out of naivety, as well, I just wish to state that your spam is unappreciated.
Even if you disagree with what I’m saying [and I welcome thoughtful disagreement at least as much as rubber stamps], the fact is: I do put thought, time, energy and effort into my posts. I very much appreciate and want to encourage comments on the content of the articles in the blog.
Generic comments on ‘graphics’, colors or telling me what a great job I’m doing, though, are uncalled for and unwelcome. One such comment might be a mild ego booster—even if irrelevant. To open my email and discover 358 such comments, however, is simply a major nuisance and absolutely uncalled for.
What have I ever done to you?
So, whoever is spamming the blog please go get your own life and leave mine alone.
On the other hand, if you have real comments on the content of the articles, please do enter them. Those are always welcome.
24 May, 2006
The Real DaVinci Con
Although, generally speaking, any movie directed by Ron Howard and starring Tom Hanks is sure to get me to the theatre ten minutes after it opens, I plan to pass on The DaVinci Code. Not because it is blaphemous—which it isn’t. Not because it is controversial. And, CERTAINLY not because it attacks the Christian church—which it doesn’t. I’m passing because I read the book and it was poorly written. By the time I was about a quarter through it I was waiting to see what stroke of absolute luck was going to get the protagonists out of the latest jam they’d gotten themselves into. I generally enjoy novels that have some sort of nodding acquaintance with reality and, in this case, I just got bored with the fantasy.
The facts that have recently come to light: that Mary Magdalen was not a prostitute; that she was, in fact, a disciple of Joshua Bar Joseph and very likely bankrolled his mission; that the other disciples were jealous of her standing--primarily because she was a woman--etc. are worthy of further study. And this [ I can’t stress this enough] work of fiction does nothing to further thoughtful investigation of those facts.
Meanwhile, it seems everyone wants to cash in on the controversy. Hollywood does, of course. That’s Hollywood’s job. It’s not, so far as I know, the job of religion to do the same—and that, among other things, is what is happening.
Also, the conservative newsletter I’ve been reading lately is pushing a book that is [ostensibly] not a work of fiction. It says it’s ‘unmasking Hollywood’s plot to undermine religion.’ Now, WHY would anyone in Hollywood want to do that? Why would they want to stem the flow of all the lovely money that every movie since silent film that has included a religious theme has generated? Hollywood execs are a lot of things, but I don’t think anyone can claim they’re stupid.
They're also not that powerful. The religions of the world have been around a lot longer than Hollywood has. And they'll be here long after it has fallen into the San Andreas Fault.
So, wait for it folks: we haven’t heard the end of the controversy—not by a long shot. As long as there’s a dime to be made out of all the ballyhooing from the rooftops about this novel, this film, this or that critic’s take on the book and the film, this or that church’s views on the book and the film, etc. etc. ad nauseum, we’ll just keep hearing about it.
The facts that have recently come to light: that Mary Magdalen was not a prostitute; that she was, in fact, a disciple of Joshua Bar Joseph and very likely bankrolled his mission; that the other disciples were jealous of her standing--primarily because she was a woman--etc. are worthy of further study. And this [ I can’t stress this enough] work of fiction does nothing to further thoughtful investigation of those facts.
Meanwhile, it seems everyone wants to cash in on the controversy. Hollywood does, of course. That’s Hollywood’s job. It’s not, so far as I know, the job of religion to do the same—and that, among other things, is what is happening.
Also, the conservative newsletter I’ve been reading lately is pushing a book that is [ostensibly] not a work of fiction. It says it’s ‘unmasking Hollywood’s plot to undermine religion.’ Now, WHY would anyone in Hollywood want to do that? Why would they want to stem the flow of all the lovely money that every movie since silent film that has included a religious theme has generated? Hollywood execs are a lot of things, but I don’t think anyone can claim they’re stupid.
They're also not that powerful. The religions of the world have been around a lot longer than Hollywood has. And they'll be here long after it has fallen into the San Andreas Fault.
So, wait for it folks: we haven’t heard the end of the controversy—not by a long shot. As long as there’s a dime to be made out of all the ballyhooing from the rooftops about this novel, this film, this or that critic’s take on the book and the film, this or that church’s views on the book and the film, etc. etc. ad nauseum, we’ll just keep hearing about it.
23 April, 2006
Burning books
Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings.
[Dort, wo man Bucher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen.]
Heinrich Heine, From his play Almansor [1821]
[Dort, wo man Bucher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen.]
Heinrich Heine, From his play Almansor [1821]
18 April, 2006
First Family Shakeup
[From the Washington Post's Op-ed department]
By Ruth Marcus
Monday, April 17, 2006;
Dear Daughters Jenna and Barbara,
This is a difficult letter for me, your Dad, to write. The two of you have been, your mother and I agree, valuable members of my administration. Yes, there have been a few unfortunate moments -- actually, come to think of it, more than a few: the underage drinking bust; the next underage drinking bust; the sticking-out-the-tongue-at-the-photographers thing; the Valley Girl-style convention speech. Next time, please, girls, run it by Grandma, like she told you to in the first place.
Rambling a bit here. What I'd like to say is that all of us at the White House deeply appreciate your service to your family and your country. It can't have been easy for you, posing for Vogue, getting chauffeured by the Secret Service and all. But, as you know, second terms are a time of transition in any administration. And we think it is the right moment, then, to make a change in First Daughters. Time for some fresh blue blood, you might say.
Please, girls, don't take this personally. Andy didn't, and he's been with the family almost as long. Definitely, we will spin this to the press as your decision entirely. You know, needing a break, this job chews you up, exhausted after five long years of late nights at Smith Point, want a chance to spend more time with your ... never mind, we'll go with the need-a-break part. And no one can take away from your achievements: You have been two of the longest-serving presidential daughter twins in history.
Anyway, the Josh-for-Andy swap didn't play quite as big as we hoped. Now, I'm getting killed with this general-a-day drumbeat on Rummy. So Uncle Don and Uncle Dick came up with this idea of replacing you two.
Naturally, Mommy and I were pretty reluctant, at first. But Uncle Don and Uncle Dick can be awfully persuasive -- especially when Uncle Dick's packing heat.
Your Gammy agrees. "Lose the twins," she said. "My 41 ditched Sununu." And you know there's no arguing with the Silver Fox once she's got her mind made up. She asked me to tell you it's nothing personal -- and for Pete's sake stop showing all that cleavage.
Dick wanted to roll this out the usual way: through Scooter. But Scooter's a little preoccupado, right now, you might say. We thought about leaking it to Woodward, but he'd probably just save it for the next book. So we're thinking Dr. Phil. Great female demographic.
You're probably wondering about the replacement. Grandpa had an idea about that. You know how he's been spending so much time hanging out with Bill Clinton lately that I've started calling him "my new brother"? Well, that got grandpa to thinking.
You probably know where this is heading, so I won't dwell too long on the topic of our new First Daughter.
Chelsea has graciously agreed to start on Friday.
Thanks again, girls, for all you've done. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you start this new, exciting chapter of your lives. Please be sure to stay in touch.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush --- Dad
P.S. We want you to know it was a hard call whether to lose you or Karl. He really agonized over it.
By Ruth Marcus
Monday, April 17, 2006;
Dear Daughters Jenna and Barbara,
This is a difficult letter for me, your Dad, to write. The two of you have been, your mother and I agree, valuable members of my administration. Yes, there have been a few unfortunate moments -- actually, come to think of it, more than a few: the underage drinking bust; the next underage drinking bust; the sticking-out-the-tongue-at-the-photographers thing; the Valley Girl-style convention speech. Next time, please, girls, run it by Grandma, like she told you to in the first place.
Rambling a bit here. What I'd like to say is that all of us at the White House deeply appreciate your service to your family and your country. It can't have been easy for you, posing for Vogue, getting chauffeured by the Secret Service and all. But, as you know, second terms are a time of transition in any administration. And we think it is the right moment, then, to make a change in First Daughters. Time for some fresh blue blood, you might say.
Please, girls, don't take this personally. Andy didn't, and he's been with the family almost as long. Definitely, we will spin this to the press as your decision entirely. You know, needing a break, this job chews you up, exhausted after five long years of late nights at Smith Point, want a chance to spend more time with your ... never mind, we'll go with the need-a-break part. And no one can take away from your achievements: You have been two of the longest-serving presidential daughter twins in history.
Anyway, the Josh-for-Andy swap didn't play quite as big as we hoped. Now, I'm getting killed with this general-a-day drumbeat on Rummy. So Uncle Don and Uncle Dick came up with this idea of replacing you two.
Naturally, Mommy and I were pretty reluctant, at first. But Uncle Don and Uncle Dick can be awfully persuasive -- especially when Uncle Dick's packing heat.
Your Gammy agrees. "Lose the twins," she said. "My 41 ditched Sununu." And you know there's no arguing with the Silver Fox once she's got her mind made up. She asked me to tell you it's nothing personal -- and for Pete's sake stop showing all that cleavage.
Dick wanted to roll this out the usual way: through Scooter. But Scooter's a little preoccupado, right now, you might say. We thought about leaking it to Woodward, but he'd probably just save it for the next book. So we're thinking Dr. Phil. Great female demographic.
You're probably wondering about the replacement. Grandpa had an idea about that. You know how he's been spending so much time hanging out with Bill Clinton lately that I've started calling him "my new brother"? Well, that got grandpa to thinking.
You probably know where this is heading, so I won't dwell too long on the topic of our new First Daughter.
Chelsea has graciously agreed to start on Friday.
Thanks again, girls, for all you've done. Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you start this new, exciting chapter of your lives. Please be sure to stay in touch.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush --- Dad
P.S. We want you to know it was a hard call whether to lose you or Karl. He really agonized over it.
07 February, 2006
Churchill Called It
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill
26 January, 2006
25 January, 2006
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