30 August, 2007
26 August, 2007
How Love Works
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once told of a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"
24 August, 2007
18 August, 2007
16 August, 2007
Stuff I've Learned from Six-Year-Olds
A ceiling fan + dog leash combination is not strong enough to allow a 6-year-old boy in Batman underwear and a Superman cape to fly.
A ceiling fan + dog leash + open paint can combination is, however, strong enough to thoroughly speckle a 12 x 12 foot room.
A ceiling fan is capable of acting as a baseball bat.
It will take several tries before the ceiling fan makes contact with the ball.
Window glass does not have enough tensile strength to stop a baseball propelled by a ceiling fan.
The water in a king-sized waterbed will fill a 2000 square foot house to the depth of approximately 2 1/3 inches.
The clothes drier does not make earthworms dizzy.
The clothes drier does make cats dizzy.
Cats vomit approximately their own body weight when dizzy.
Melted crayons do not make a good substitute for paint.
Paint brushes don't work very well on cars.
You shouldn't believe your father when he says he wishes the car was a different color.
xxx
Disclaimer:
No earthworms, cats or 6-year-olds were harmed during the researching or development of this post.
A few windows, some carpet and one car were damaged but, hey, it's called 'research' for a reason.
A ceiling fan + dog leash + open paint can combination is, however, strong enough to thoroughly speckle a 12 x 12 foot room.
A ceiling fan is capable of acting as a baseball bat.
It will take several tries before the ceiling fan makes contact with the ball.
Window glass does not have enough tensile strength to stop a baseball propelled by a ceiling fan.
The water in a king-sized waterbed will fill a 2000 square foot house to the depth of approximately 2 1/3 inches.
The clothes drier does not make earthworms dizzy.
The clothes drier does make cats dizzy.
Cats vomit approximately their own body weight when dizzy.
Melted crayons do not make a good substitute for paint.
Paint brushes don't work very well on cars.
You shouldn't believe your father when he says he wishes the car was a different color.
xxx
Disclaimer:
No earthworms, cats or 6-year-olds were harmed during the researching or development of this post.
A few windows, some carpet and one car were damaged but, hey, it's called 'research' for a reason.
13 August, 2007
Walking Away From the Keyboard Shaking My Head in Amazement
Heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! [a news quiz show on NPR]
All true stories-- honest to God-- you can't make this stuff up:
1] A man traveled by airplane from Miami [I think it was] to N. Carolina [I think] before any airport personnel tumbled to the fact that he had a marmoset on his head. Well, actually, the personnel never did figure it out. The passengers let the staff know that something was amiss.
According to Wait, Wait. . . the marmoset was quite well behaved, sitting in the man's lap, eating the airline peanuts and ordering useless stuff out of the on-board magazine.
2] An 8 foot tall, smiling leggo man washed up on a beach in Denmark last week. It must have escaped from a kindergarten class and gone for a swim???
3] The Chinese government has issued a new edict: Buddhist monks are now required to file an affidavit in order to be allowed to [get this] reincarnate.
It seems that, since the higher ranking monks all claim to be incarnations of previous people who were, likewise, in the hierarchical stratosphere, the government wants a piece of this action. They want to be able to dictate who will come back and when so they can control the Buddhist religion.
and
4] A woman, arrested for drunk driving, was wearing a T-shirt which sported the statement, 'I'M A DRUNK-- NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS'
As I say-- you can't make this stuff up!
All true stories-- honest to God-- you can't make this stuff up:
1] A man traveled by airplane from Miami [I think it was] to N. Carolina [I think] before any airport personnel tumbled to the fact that he had a marmoset on his head. Well, actually, the personnel never did figure it out. The passengers let the staff know that something was amiss.
According to Wait, Wait. . . the marmoset was quite well behaved, sitting in the man's lap, eating the airline peanuts and ordering useless stuff out of the on-board magazine.
2] An 8 foot tall, smiling leggo man washed up on a beach in Denmark last week. It must have escaped from a kindergarten class and gone for a swim???
3] The Chinese government has issued a new edict: Buddhist monks are now required to file an affidavit in order to be allowed to [get this] reincarnate.
It seems that, since the higher ranking monks all claim to be incarnations of previous people who were, likewise, in the hierarchical stratosphere, the government wants a piece of this action. They want to be able to dictate who will come back and when so they can control the Buddhist religion.
and
4] A woman, arrested for drunk driving, was wearing a T-shirt which sported the statement, 'I'M A DRUNK-- NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. ALCOHOLICS GO TO MEETINGS'
As I say-- you can't make this stuff up!
11 August, 2007
On Confusion
When I was in psych training, this was posted over the door of one of my teachers [there were several over the years].
I guess I was, all unknowingly, also in training for my later career as a blogger. I shamelessly stole it and placed it in a prominent position in my office where it resided for years.
Hey! If we can't laugh at ourselves, all really IS lost-- :)
xxx
We have not succeeded in answering all of your problems. In fact, the answers we have put forth have only succeeded in producing new questions. However, we believe we are now confused at a higher level and about more important things.
--anonymous
I guess I was, all unknowingly, also in training for my later career as a blogger. I shamelessly stole it and placed it in a prominent position in my office where it resided for years.
Hey! If we can't laugh at ourselves, all really IS lost-- :)
xxx
We have not succeeded in answering all of your problems. In fact, the answers we have put forth have only succeeded in producing new questions. However, we believe we are now confused at a higher level and about more important things.
--anonymous
09 August, 2007
Australian Humor
This is making the email rounds again. In case you haven't seen it, enjoy!
Whether the claim that the questions were actually sent to the tourism website and answered there is true or not -- I don't know -- but, given what's going on these days, it's certainly within the realm of possibility. :)
xxx
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Whether the claim that the questions were actually sent to the tourism website and answered there is true or not -- I don't know -- but, given what's going on these days, it's certainly within the realm of possibility. :)
xxx
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
06 August, 2007
Sensory Deprivation
Strange, the thoughts that pop into my head when I'm wallpapering and have no music or other sound going on in the house:
Out of nowhere, I had a thought: ''Joseph [of technicolor dreamcoat fame] must have been a sagittarius. We're famous for the open-mouth-insert- foot-chew-well-and-swallow technique. If he'd just kept his mouth shut instead of bragging about all those dreams of his brothers bowing down before him, the entire history of the Jews might have been a different story altogether."
I need to get out more.
Out of nowhere, I had a thought: ''Joseph [of technicolor dreamcoat fame] must have been a sagittarius. We're famous for the open-mouth-insert- foot-chew-well-and-swallow technique. If he'd just kept his mouth shut instead of bragging about all those dreams of his brothers bowing down before him, the entire history of the Jews might have been a different story altogether."
I need to get out more.
05 August, 2007
I'm back! :)
Over the next few weeks, wallpapering permitting, I'm going to revive this blog.
I plan to make it a free-romp, just-for-fun kind of site. My recess from the scary stuff I see going on around me.
So, I'll be cleaning out the political stuff that's still here and posting light hearted pieces, funny stuff I come across, etc.
I'll be mentioning it to friends I've made on other blogs and inviting folks over for chai latte and bagels.
And, I may [probably will] invite some folks to be co-authors if they've a mind to. If you're interested in co-authoring, btw--don't be shy. Just ask.
As much as possible, I'd like to leave our cares at the thresh hold. If we want angst, we can nip over to Preserve, Protect and Defend or someplace for that.
So, c'mon in -- set a spell -- chew the fat. :)
I plan to make it a free-romp, just-for-fun kind of site. My recess from the scary stuff I see going on around me.
So, I'll be cleaning out the political stuff that's still here and posting light hearted pieces, funny stuff I come across, etc.
I'll be mentioning it to friends I've made on other blogs and inviting folks over for chai latte and bagels.
And, I may [probably will] invite some folks to be co-authors if they've a mind to. If you're interested in co-authoring, btw--don't be shy. Just ask.
As much as possible, I'd like to leave our cares at the thresh hold. If we want angst, we can nip over to Preserve, Protect and Defend or someplace for that.
So, c'mon in -- set a spell -- chew the fat. :)
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