This from the Borowitz Report-- :)
^^^
Sudden Appearance of Major Organ Confounds Experts
In a stunning development that has confounded medical experts around the world, doctors examining Vice President Dick Cheney said today that they have detected signs of a heart.
The vice president was rushed to the hospital over the weekend after complaining of chest pains, but no one in Mr. Cheney’s inner circle suspected that a human heart was the cause.
“We had been operating under the assumption that he didn’t have one,” said chief of staff David Addington, who said that Mr. Cheney also has not had a soul since 1995, when it was purchased by the Halliburton Company.
At George Washington University Hospital, doctors struggled to contain their excitement about what appeared to be the medical anomaly of the century: the sudden appearance of a human heart in a 66-year-old man.
“It is too early to say conclusively,” said Dr. Carol Foyler, head of the team of doctors who examined the vice president. “But so far the beating and pumping sounds we are hearing in the vice president’s chest cavity are very much consistent with his having a heart.”
Dr. Foyler stressed that if the sounds emanating from Mr. Cheney’s chest are those of a human heart, “This will contradict everything we thought we knew about Dick Cheney.”
At the White House, spokesperson Dana Perino said that the sudden appearance of a heart in Dick Cheney’s chest had motivated President Bush to schedule an MRI of his head.
Elsewhere, Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) said that writing his memoirs would be “challenging,” adding, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”
29 November, 2007
14 November, 2007
Harry Potter's Secret
Hint: It Has Nothing to Do With Gay Headmasters
By Michael Gerson
There is something inherently odd about considering the sex lives of fictional characters in children's books. Just how hearty were the Hardy boys? And we will not even speculate about Heidi's reclusive grandfather.
xxx
Gerson [a traditional conservative] points out that "Ruling out magic in children's literature would, of course, completely depopulate Narnia and Middle Earth, leaving just silent forest." and "Magic is usually the way that children are introduced to the idea of transcendence."
xxx
Interestingly, the Narnia series, which includes a God/Christ-like lion isn't condemned by the neo-conservatives who seem to take the magic in those books in stride:
The children arrive through a magical wardrobe.
They converse with badgers, rabbits, etc.
They even fight a war with evil characters who seem to come from an area that resembles the Middle East of this world and worship a God who resembles Mohammed -- in a book written a generation before Islam- bashing became fashionable.
xxx
The 'Secret' alluded to in the title of the article, though is one we would all do well to emulate: it's Love.
And it includes acceptance of beings who are different from the reader, or of Harry himself, such as half-bloods, werewolves, giants, house elves, goblins and so on.
Loving those who are different from us? What a heretical message to teach our children! --according to the far-right-Christians.
Never-mind what Joshua bar Joseph taught.
Click here for the complete text [of the article--not the Deathly Hallows :)]
By Michael Gerson
There is something inherently odd about considering the sex lives of fictional characters in children's books. Just how hearty were the Hardy boys? And we will not even speculate about Heidi's reclusive grandfather.
But J.K. Rowling has forced such considerations upon us with her announcement that Albus Dumbledore, the beloved headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is gay. The news, delivered by the author after a Carnegie Hall reading, was received with gasps in the audience and around the world.
The Dumbledore revelation was taken by many Christian conservatives as additional confirmation that Rowling is a corrupter of youth. What could be more subversive than the combination of witchcraft and homosexual rights?xxx
Gerson [a traditional conservative] points out that "Ruling out magic in children's literature would, of course, completely depopulate Narnia and Middle Earth, leaving just silent forest." and "Magic is usually the way that children are introduced to the idea of transcendence."
xxx
Interestingly, the Narnia series, which includes a God/Christ-like lion isn't condemned by the neo-conservatives who seem to take the magic in those books in stride:
The children arrive through a magical wardrobe.
They converse with badgers, rabbits, etc.
They even fight a war with evil characters who seem to come from an area that resembles the Middle East of this world and worship a God who resembles Mohammed -- in a book written a generation before Islam- bashing became fashionable.
xxx
The 'Secret' alluded to in the title of the article, though is one we would all do well to emulate: it's Love.
And it includes acceptance of beings who are different from the reader, or of Harry himself, such as half-bloods, werewolves, giants, house elves, goblins and so on.
Loving those who are different from us? What a heretical message to teach our children! --according to the far-right-Christians.
Never-mind what Joshua bar Joseph taught.
Click here for the complete text [of the article--not the Deathly Hallows :)]
01 November, 2007
Ya Gotta Love Borowitz! :)
Trick Question About 9/12 Stumps Giuliani
Rudy Sputters at Town Hall Meeting
GOP presidential frontrunner Rudolph Giuliani stumbled badly at a town hall meeting in Iowa last night when an audience member baffled him with a trick question about 9/12.
Mr. Giuliani, who has made references to 9/11 the foundation of his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, was “like a deer in the headlights” when the surprise question about 9/12 came his way, observers said.
The former New York mayor had been cruising through the town hall meeting up to that point, answering a wide range of questions about immigration, the economy, and global warming, all by referring to 9/11.
But the tone of the event changed abruptly when one audience member, Tracy Klujian of Cedar Rapids, asked the GOP frontrunner, “Can you name one thing that happened on September 12?”
Mr. Giuliani seemed taken aback by the question, clearing his throat and drinking from a glass of water as if to buy time before responding.
“That’s a good question,” Mr. Giuliani said. “September 12 happened one day after September 11 -- and we must never forget the lessons of September 11.”
Mr. Giuliani’s aides later said that their candidate had expertly parried a difficult question, but also offered excuses for Mr. Giuliani’s apparent failure to refer to any other date besides September 11.
“The man has a lot of dates to keep track of,” one aide told reporters. “For one thing, he’s had three different wedding anniversaries.”
^^^
Elsewhere, President Bush eulogized Washoe, the chimp who had a 250-word vocabulary, issuing this official statement: “Me miss Washoe. Me sad Washoe dead.”
Rudy Sputters at Town Hall Meeting
GOP presidential frontrunner Rudolph Giuliani stumbled badly at a town hall meeting in Iowa last night when an audience member baffled him with a trick question about 9/12.
Mr. Giuliani, who has made references to 9/11 the foundation of his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, was “like a deer in the headlights” when the surprise question about 9/12 came his way, observers said.
The former New York mayor had been cruising through the town hall meeting up to that point, answering a wide range of questions about immigration, the economy, and global warming, all by referring to 9/11.
But the tone of the event changed abruptly when one audience member, Tracy Klujian of Cedar Rapids, asked the GOP frontrunner, “Can you name one thing that happened on September 12?”
Mr. Giuliani seemed taken aback by the question, clearing his throat and drinking from a glass of water as if to buy time before responding.
“That’s a good question,” Mr. Giuliani said. “September 12 happened one day after September 11 -- and we must never forget the lessons of September 11.”
Mr. Giuliani’s aides later said that their candidate had expertly parried a difficult question, but also offered excuses for Mr. Giuliani’s apparent failure to refer to any other date besides September 11.
“The man has a lot of dates to keep track of,” one aide told reporters. “For one thing, he’s had three different wedding anniversaries.”
^^^
Elsewhere, President Bush eulogized Washoe, the chimp who had a 250-word vocabulary, issuing this official statement: “Me miss Washoe. Me sad Washoe dead.”
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