Saint Shrub

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church in NW Washington as part of his campaign to restore his 28% approval rating in the polls. Karl Rove made a visit to the Bishop and said, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the President's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, Hurricane Katrina, and the VA Hospitals. But, we'll make a $500,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint.

The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church could really use the money - I'll do it."
The following Sunday, President Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began: "I'd like to speak to all of you this morning about our President, George Bush. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated nation on earth. He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression."
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome Scandal. "The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars, gas prices are up 85%, which the people of America cannot afford, and vital research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from the religious right."
"He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known. But compared to Dick Cheney, George W. Bush is a saint."

Hello, All--
My abrupt departure was occasioned by the death of my mother.
It wasn't really a surprise although we'd been lulled into a false sense of security, I suppose.

She'd had Alzheimer's Disease for many years so we knew it was only a matter of time.
But, on the other hand, her hospice nurse had told me just a week and a half before her death that she was walking daily [with help], hoarding food [a common occurrence among Alzheimer's patients] and taking her baby doll with her everywhere. So, when the end came, it did feel pretty sudden.

At that, I believe she did my sister and me a favor.
I'm not one who hankers for the bedside vigil, myself. I've done it with people outside my family and what it boils down to, for me, is sitting by the bed feeling helpless. My mother spared us that. She departed while my sister and I were both in airplanes with our phones turned off.
By the time we got to her home, she had been cleaned up and did look to be sleeping. Yes, I expected her to open her eyes and say, 'What are you all staring at?'

I will be offline for several days. Family business suddenly came up.

Market Tumbles on News That Bush Is Still President
White House Appearance ‘A Painful Reminder,’ Experts Say
by Andy Borowitz

President George W. Bush used a Rose Garden appearance today to reassure investors that he was at the helm of the U.S. economy, causing stock markets to plummet around the world.

“You don’t have to worry about this economy, because I am in charge of it,” said Mr. Bush, touching off what some observers were calling a global financial panic.

Mr. Bush began his remarks about the economy at 10:30 A.M. eastern time, and by 10:31 markets around the world had already gone into a perilous free-fall.

According to Wall Street insiders, the markets were responding to the news that Mr. Bush was still president.

“Over the last few weeks, the markets have absorbed the news of the subprime crisis, the housing meltdown, and the Bear Stearns failure,” said Logan Teasdale of Citigroup. “But the news that President Bush is still president was too much for the markets to shrug off.”

Over the past few months, Mr. Teasdale said, traders have tried hard to forget that Mr. Bush was still president, but his White House remarks today were “a painful reminder.”

At the Federal Reserve, Fed chairman Ben Bernanke huddled with central bankers to find a way to calm the markets rattled by Mr. Bush’s alarming appearance.

One solution reportedly being pondered by the Fed would involve sending Mr. Bush to Disney World for the remainder of his time in office.

Elsewhere, in his first comment on the Eliot Spitzer scandal, Vice President Dick Cheney said he has never hired a prostitute because “I’ve been screwing the country the last seven years.”