Bush Seeks to Ban Marriage Between Fictitious Gay Characters

Harry Potter Revelation Prompts President’s Move

Just days after “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling revealed that the popular professor character Albus Dumbledore was gay, President George W. Bush told the nation that he would seek a ban on fictitious gay weddings.

In a nationally televised address last night, Mr. Bush said that he devote the rest of his term in office to obtaining a constitutional amendment banning marriage between fictitious gay characters.

“In order to protect the sanctity of marriage in the real world, we must first protect the sanctity of marriage in fiction,” Mr. Bush said. “This is the most pressing goal of my Administration – even more important than bombing Iran.”

While the president’s address was for the most part consistent with his earlier statements on gay marriage, it was uncharacteristic in that it demonstrated an awareness of books.

And in attacking the Mr. Dumbledore’s right to wed, Mr. Bush may have raised the ire of one of the most militant constituencies in the U.S.: Harry Potter fans.

Jude Ralston, 34, one of over 5,000 Potter devotees who dressed as Dumbledore to protest the president’s speech outside the White House last night, said that Mr. Bush could be playing with fire: “Harry Potter fans take these things very seriously, and we don’t have anything else going on in our lives.”

The Politics of the Lightbulb :)

HOW MANY REPUBLICANS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?

1. One to deny that the light bulb needs to be changed

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for darkness.

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid/cost-plus contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb.

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a stepladder under the
banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."

7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark.

8. One to viciously smear #7.

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb changing policy all along.

10. Finally, Joe Lieberman to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing the light bulb and screwing the country.

Alexander Fisher
alexanderfisher@alexanderfisher.net

It's A Miracle! :)

I bought cookware!
When I heard about the Macy's promo, 'Shop for a Cause', I had been planning to buy some cookware anyhow [WHAT?!? ME?!? 8-O ] --
So I made 2 donations of $5.00 each to the Women's Heart Association [Why they didn't go for breast cancer, seeing as how this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I don't know but -- oh, well] and saved over $31.00 at checkout. and I did it all online! SO cool!

And I bought:
a cookware set that includes:
a 6 qt. stockpot
a 2 qt. saucepan
8" and 10" saute pans
2 detachable handles
2 lids
a canvas bag that stores all this stuff in one stack [given the amount of space in my cabinets that's a Good Thing.]
$59.97 [ On sale before the 20% off 'Shop for a Cause' promo -- original price $100 ]

[I was flabbergasted at the prices -- there were 6 to 8-piece sets that cost $600 and up on the list and one 14 piece set that went for $1,899.99! Do people actually BUY those???
_I_ wouldn't pay $1 to go look at those at the Museum of Amazing Artifacts!]
I paid $47.99 :)

A cutlery set that includes 5 knives, a pair of scissors and a block
original price $100
also on sale for $59.97
and I paid $47.99

2 oven mitts -- $10 each [ I paid $7.99 each]
1 hot pot pad -- $8 [I paid $6.39]
A set of kitchen towels -- $10 [I paid 7.99]
And a partridge in a pear tree

Add taxes and shipping: $161.12
And that includes the warm-fuzzy for the donations.

Now, the question for the universe remains-------
Will I ever, you know, actually COOK with this stuff?
Will keep you posted. :)

Are there any other retirees out there? See if you relate.
:)